I...
can't sing.
LOL
I cannot sing freely and stun a room. I used to believe I could. I thought it made me special and heard. But underneath, it was actually a form of escapism. One that was so important and vital for my mental health. I thought in order to actually achieve that peace, that escape, I had to be good at it. I had to perfect the voice I was given.
Boy, I have been kidding myself. I can't stun a room. I can please it at most if I can hear myself sing. If I have another voice to follow. But my voice box is nothing special. And over the past few days, I have been telling myself
THAT ITS OKAY TO HAVE AN OKAY, NOT SPECIAL, TONE DEAF SINGING VOICE.
You know why?
Because I saw singing as my only way to say everything in my heart out loud. It was the only time I felt free to speak. It was the only sound I made that felt similar to my emotions. It was something I desperately needed in high school. It is something I still desperately need now.
So, yeah. I can't stun a room. But I can sing the pain away. Tone deaf and all.
— c.j. —
