The Sacred Memoirs of A Young Adult: I Will Always Love You

To the only boy I've ever loved...

At the back of my mind, I knew this would happen...

This is not fair. After everything I've quietly gone through, here I am still thinking about you. It took one text. One text that brought all those feelings back. I'm not sure if I love you the same way I did a couple of months ago, hard and blindly, but I do love you. There's no point in denying it. I just hope that one day this can all be a bad nightmare I can wake up from. I pray that I wake up without any resentment towards you in my heart, though I still love you. And I also hope you feel no resentment towards me.

I'm tired of this struggle. I thought the worst was over but it seems that it'll never be over. I forgave you, I honestly did. It took way longer than normal but I did. However, I cannot say that I still look at you the same way. Especially since you hate me for some odd reason and you won't even fucking tell me. I owe you nothing, because I am a Queen like that. But if you want an apology I will give you one. All I want to do is move on but you won't let me... and you don't realise it.

You think I'm stupid, don't you? You think I'm dumb, considering your actions towards me. I've been rejected in so many ways by so many people that I know all the signs of rejection. It comes with avoiding me, fake smiling, talking smack behind my back, being a complete and utter snake... but the list goes on. I only mentioned things you do to me. I know everything even though I haven't seen it all. I just don't understand why. Why are you being so rude and disrespectful towards me? And why are my friends being dragged into this situation when they've got shit to do with whatever you have against me? You just assumed. You didn't, pull your socks up, be a man and fucking ask.

You make me sick sometimes, even though I can't deny that you still have my heart. You're still on my mind. Every second. Night and day. Gosh, you're an oxymoron. A delightful cunt.

For how long am I going to endure this quiet torture? For how long? I lost a friend because of you and here I am still telling you that I love you. When am I ever going to move on with my life? Just when I get everything right, you come back into my life. Every time. Without fail. I'm honestly okay with forgetting you... but I feel like you are still holding onto me. I love you and I want to let go for both of our sake, but you need to let me. Please. I'm begging you.