The Sacred Memoirs of A Young Adult: I Will Always Love You

Pain

It's a newer pain. A pain that was left untouched for so long, yet one that was always there. Today I let go of an old pain. A pain that I thought was the worst pain one could ever feel. But no. This new pain is much stronger, deeper, rooted. And I'll probably never let it go. I can't. No matter how much I try, I can't. I've tried everything possible. Still, I live writhing in pain. I can't even tell you how much I love you. I didn't tell you everything. I didn't say that I love you with all my heart and my soul and my mind. I didn't say that you hurt me when you chose her over me.

Consciously, I knew you wouldn't. I'm weird. Less pretty. Less smart. Less talented. Less sociable. Less tolerable. Less than. You'd never go for me. Still, in my castle on a cloud, I saw us together. Unbreakable. Unshakable. Hand in hand and away from anything that may pull us apart. I keep telling myself that there's so much better out there. But every time I do so, an automatic lie detector in my subconscious calls my thoughts out.

"He ain't shit."
Lie.
"He ain't worth it."
Lie.
"There are people out there who will love you for you."
Lie.
"But he's meant for someone else."
Possibly true.

Sad, but true. Now all I have is torturous thoughts swimming in my head. She deserves him. He gives her the happiness she's waited for for so long. But what about mine? Does mine not matter? Do my feelings not count? Why must I endure pain for the sake of another? Why must I love the one who will never return the favour? Why must my first experience of love be the worst?

This isn't fair. But life isn't fair. Nothing will ever be the same again. No sun will shine on me ever again. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and never have met you at all...