Phan Smut Oneshots {Discontinued}

You Are Out of My Mind {Part One}

Summary: Dan has been living in the mental hospital for two months now after having attempted to end his life several times. He refuses to talk to anyone. Apart from Phil, the new boy in the room next door.

Trigger warning: multiple attempted suicides (overdosing, hanging and cutting) and severe anxiety.

Requested by anonymous user on Tumblr

Word Count:

He knew they meant well, the nurses who hovered around him all hours of every day, but that didn't make him any more willing to be treated like a piece of glass that could shatter at any moment. Everywhere he went, someone was there, watching his every move, sure to report back to his doctor if he did anything out of the ordinary.

Sure, their behaviour was understandable; the whole reason he had been admitted was because he was a danger to himself. He had taken a handful of pills hoping it would end his life. He never realised how painful that would be. His brother found him on the bathroom floor, choking on his own vomit.

The next time, he tried to hang himself, but he didn't have the rope high enough to snap his neck, so he was just left dangling. His mum found him that time.

At this point he was frustrated with himself for not being able to do something that should've been easy. He didn't belong in this world, why wasn't he allowed to leave?

The last time, he tried cutting his wrists and bleeding out in the bath. He remembered the way the water became contaminated with crimson, the stinging in his skin, but he didn't care. He could feel himself lose consciousness after a while, but then he heard banging at the door. Everything went dark.

Doctors told him he was to go to a mental institution where he would be kept safe with other people like him. He tried to convince them he was okay, but they stood their ground. After three attempts to end his life, it was unsurprising that they wouldn't fulfill his wishes.

His mum had packed him a suitcase full of clothes and personal belongings almost as if she had been preparing for the occasion. He remembered his first day, when he had to say goodbye to his mum and brother. They probably couldn't wait to be rid of him, but they put on a brave face.

"Goodbye, Dan," mum hugged him tightly, like she didn't want to let go, but Dan knew it was all for show, "I love you."

He turned to his brother, who surprisingly had tears in his eyes. "I'll miss you." They had a quick hug before Dan left. Maybe his brother really did care, but he didn't have much time to think about it before he was ushered away.

*

He quickly realised he was one of the youngest people there, being an eighteen year old in the adult ward. The people were nice enough, but he couldn't find it in himself to be nice back. Instead, he decided to isolate himself from them. He didn't deserve anyone to call his friend.

A cycle emerged in which Dan would comply with his timetable, but every time something was asked of him, he would remain silent. It was for the best, really. They wouldn't want to know him if they weren't in this ward.

It was the life he had grown accustomed to for the next couple of months.

*

"Hey Dan," Louise said softly. She was one of the nurses but she had grown fond of him for whatever reason. She was sat on the edge of his bed, watching him carefully, just like every other person in this place, "a new patient is moving into the room next door. He's around your age so maybe you could be friends?" He just shrugged his shoulders.