Dare You To Move

Chapter 11 - How's This For Honesty

"I couldn't..." Parker trails off. "I dunno, mate. I just froze." Parker admits and the defeat is evident in his eyes. "It's like my whole brain short-circuited and I just couldn't say it back."

"Bullshit!" Collyn yells, his veins are now full of fury as he pieces together his own timeline and figures out that this was likely the night Elli has called him in tears from her parking lot. "You called me a shit friend well maybe you need to look in the fucking mirror."

"I know." Parker says, voice flat as he takes another drink. "I know and that's why she deserves better and why I won't tell her. I couldn't tell her then and it's not fair to tell her now."

"Why'd she tell you anyway?" Collyn spits. "Not like she's open with her feelings either. What the bloody hell did you do to make her think you'd say it back?"

Parker looks away from Collyn, recalling the night and knowing damn well he can't tell Collyn what caused her to tell him. He can't tell him when exactly she did or how. The only thing Parker can tell Collyn is that Elli said it. He can't tell him the look of hope and terror in her eyes and how Parker just ignored it. He ignored it and continued on with what they were doing because he couldn't say it back. Not then. Maybe if she said it now, he could but not then. He wasn't ready and that wasn't fair to her and Parker can't tell Collyn about it because Parker will be the liar Collyn thinks he is.

"She tells me things, I guess." Parker swallows back another drink and Collyn is ready to throw his fist into Parker's face.

"You lead her on?" Collyn asks, but it's more of an accusation.

"I-yeah, I guess maybe. Somewhere, the lines blurred."

"Yeah, I'd fuckin' say." Collyn scuffs in disgust. "You came because she was crying over me last night but you said this happened a few months before she dated Shawn, ya?" Parker nods. "What'd she do after? She leave, right?"

"Yeah, I think, it was two and a half years ago, I don't remember the details." Parker fibs because he remembers every detail, every single detail.

He remembers the words spilling from Elli's mouth and he remembers himself freezing, his heart stopping in his chest. Every time he can replay that exact moment over and over and over and his breath catches in his throat every fucking time just like it did the first time and he can feel the weight of the world crushing him just as he did when Elli told him.

Time stops just like it did that night and he remembers not saying anything and seeing the look of devastation come into her eyes and Parker remembers wanting so bad to open his mouth and say something, anything to make it better but he didn't. He let Elli kiss him and they continued without another word and then he remembers Elli tossing her old hoodie on and saying she'd be back. He can remember hearing the door shut, almost too quiet as she went to leave and he got to the window and saw her sit in her car, alone, not leaving. He remembers but he lies to protect himself.

"Yeah, Elli cries, what? When one of her favorite characters dies or something amazing happens in her books? She called me crying and refused to let me come over. She refused to come over. She told me everything until then. Don't think it's a coincidence." Collyn just stares Parker down, his turn to be the protective best friend.

Collyn normally wouldn't remember something like that. He might remember Elli calling him crying but not the exact time. This time he did because Elli refused to let him really help. The only thing she wanted was for Collyn to talk to her. Talk her down. That's it. She wouldn't say what happened and she denied it had anything to do with Parker. And Collyn did as she asked because he didn't want to push her as she sobbed on the other end and it nearly broke him having to listen to her. Now he knows that it was because of Parker.