I Was Amity...

23

I stand with Calum, Olivia, and Liam at the railing overlooking the chasm, late at night after most of the Dauntless have gone to sleep. My collarbone stings from the tattoo needle. We all got matching tattoos a half hour ago. Olivia wanted to and none of us had the heart to say no. We each got a flame with only four points on it, for the four of us. We have been with each other through every part of initiation and those of us who do make it thought the final cut will be with each other until the end.

I step up on one of the barrier's crossbars, pressing my hips to the railing to keep my balance. This is where Charlie and Shannon stood. This is where I killed someone. I look down into the chasm, at the black water, at the jagged rocks. Water hits the wall and sprays up, misting my face. Were Charlie and Shannon afraid when they stood here? Was the initiate scared when I pushed him off?

I turn to my friends, they don't know what I've done. I lied to Liam about it. I should tell them. They should know what I did. "Liam," he snaps his head towards me, "I lied to you."

"What do you mean, you lied to me? When?" Liam asks, very much confused.

"Do you remember the night the Dauntless born died?" He shaked his head. "I wasnt walking down the hallway when I heard him scream," my voice starts to become strained and I start shaking, "I was right here. I was sitting in this very spot, when he tried to rape me."

The three of them audibly gasp. I feel Olivia's arms wrap around me.

"You don't have to finish, Em. Whatever happened, happened. It's over and done with," Liam says.

I shake my head. "No. I want to. He was on top of me and I tried to get him off. Eventually I did, but I pushed a little too hard. He fell right off the edge." Now I'm on the verge of tears. "It was horrible seeing someone like that. So bloody, his limbs bent in the wrong direction."

Liam looks at me in disbelief at what I just said. Another moment goes by without anyone saying anything.

"I'm proud of you," Calum says, "For protecting yourself, and for trusting us enough to tell us."

I don't answer, I just nod my head and smile a little.

"Well I don't know about you guys but it's my bedtime," Olivia says, smiling. "Ready to go back? I think I want to put Scott's hand in a bowl of warm water to make him pee tonight."

I turn away from the chasm and see movement on the right side of the Pit. A figure climbs toward the glass ceiling, and judging by the smooth way he walks, like his feet barely leave the ground, I know it is Four. Since when can I tell Four from his walk? I can't wrap my head around how I feel about Four, and Eric for that matter. I'm sixteen and I have no idea how to feel about these types of things.

"That sounds great, but I have to talk to Four about something," I say, pointing toward the shadow ascending the path. Her eyes follow my hand.

"Are you sure you should be running around here alone at night?" she asks.

"We all know Em can handle herself," Calum reassures Olivia.

"All right," Olivia says, still a little unsure.

"Well, I'll see you later, then," I say.

Olivia, Calum, and Liam walk toward the dormitories.

I jog to the path on the right side of the Pit and start to climb. I try to make my footsteps as quiet as possible. Unlike Olivia, I don't find it difficult to lie. I don't intend to talk to Four at least, not until I find out where he's going, late at night, in the glass building above us. I run quietly, breathless when I reach the stairs, and stand at one end of the glass room while Four stands at the other. Through the windows I see the city lights, glowing now but petering out even as I look at them. They are supposed to turn off at midnight. Across the room, Four stands at the door to the fear landscape. He holds a black box in one hand and a syringe in the other.