JungIl's Diary (And More Underrated Ships)

JungIl: Letting go *P3*

Aside from Jungwoo's heaviness, Taeil can't move from his place. He, himself, stiffened as the felt his shoulder soaking wet. The alcohol reeking his smell. Gripping unto Jungwoo's arms securely he stayed like that adjusting from everything that was happening around him.

The plies was long forgotten at the kitchen counter table.

This is getting worse than he imagine it would be. He did not expect the younger to be this vulnerable. He had expect that the feelings he had for the the male is one-sided. He thought he was all alone in this fight. That it is fine with him if he is hurting. That it is fine with him if Jungwoo will not love him the way he does.

But seeing his state right now? It's hurting Taeil a hudred times than the pain he thinks is the most painful in love: rejection.

He did not want to hurt Jungwoo. Definitely the last thing on Earth he wants to happen. Seeing the younger waste his self for someone just like him, just for a mere Moon Taeil. It feels like he is being stabbed. Right through his heart.

"Jungwoo."

The mentioned male frozen in the spot. His senses awaken. The person he tried forgetting, the person he is calling just seconds ago, is actually that person who caught him. Again. Why?

Why does the world have to be cruel to him?

Jungwoo lifted his head up, though still massively and deeply throbbing. "H-Hyung..."

"Did you really mean everything you said?" Taeil's gaze bore into his soul.

"Wh-What?" Jungwoo whispered.

"Jungwoo." Soft but stern, calming Jungwoo but at the same time, putting him into reality. He knows his hyung is serious.

Water pooling in his eyes. He wanted Taeil so bad. He loves his hyung so bad. He always dream of a future with Taeil so bad. Even if it hurts him so bad.

"I love you Taeil h-hyung..." His voice so soft, afraid that the older might not feel the sincerity of his words.

"B-But how?"

"I don't know. I just woke up one day smiling at the thought of spending a day, again with you..." Jungwoo hang his head low. He is afraid of Taeil's reaction.

"... Even for you, it's only for the same reason you spend with all of the members." He didn't bother masking the hurt in his voice. Taeil already knew his feelings, the younger just hoped Taeil didn't think of it as a joke. It will hurt him more.

"But." Jungwoo stared immediately to his hyung who had a dufficulty in finding words, panting and eyes busy moving from one direction to another.

The pool in Jungwoo's eyes decided to fall. He put his hand to cover her eyes. He is hopeless. He is worthl--

"But I am n-no one Jungwoo. I am w-worthless." The younger gasped upon the older's words.

He looked at him in confusion.