Limited Desires | Roger Taylor

You Don't Want Me

     I didn't even bother going back to the theater. I called a cab and went home. I was going mad. I was definitely going mad. This man has done something to me and it's no right.
     I clutch my head in frustration as I pace my room. Brian is out somewhere so I was all alone with only my thoughts to accompany me.
     "You can't love him. He's dating your best friend. Hell, he doesn't even love you god dammit!" I yell to myself through the tall mirror. My index and middle finger rise to my lips. "I need a cigarette."
     I rush to my bag and rummage through it in search of my stress reliever. God damnit where is it?!
     I look up in anger. "Brian." I mutter under my breath. I march to his room and look around for my addiction.
     I open his night stand to find nothing but flash cards and pencils. I rush to his closet and grab his "special box" from the top shelf. I open it to find a ton a crap in it.
     I shuffle all the items until I come across one of my many boxes of cigarettes that he's stolen.
     "Nice try little brother." I mutter to myself as I snatch the pack and place the box back to where it was.
     I grab my lighter and light the stick between my fingers. I blew out a cloud of smoke as my brain and heart began to calm down.
     I stick the cigarette between my lips and but my shoes and coat on. I head out the door and to the cold London air.
     I shivered at the slight breeze as I began to walk down the sidewalk towards the closest general store.
     I grab my cig and take a long drag out of it. I blow yet another cloud of smoke out of my lips before I reach the shop.
     As I enter I hear a small bell ring, letting the clerk know there's a customer.
     "Get me a pack of Malboro." I demand slamming my ID and money on the table.
     I take the cig out of my mouth and hold it in between my fingers. The clerk gave me my pack and took the money. He held the ID to my face to compare my picture. He nods and returns the card to me.
     I grab my change and pack before rushing out of the store back to my flat. I flicked the dead cig on the ground and lit a new one. Maybe I should stop smoking. I mean, it is slowly killing me i knew that, but the high is amazing I couldn't dare get rid of it.
     "Sophie!" I hear my name making me stop dead in my tracks and slowly turn around. A block behind me stood a blonde with sunglasses on.
     "Shit." I whisper to myself. I continue to stand there as he quickly approaches me. As he makes his way to where I was, I take a long hard drag almost killing the cigarette.
     "Hey." He says panting from the block he had just ran.
     "Smokers lung?" I ask chuckling at his breathlessness.
     "At least someone understands." He replies pulling out a stick of his own and lighting it.
     I flick mine on the ground, killing the small fire within. We slowly walk down the street together without saying a word.
     "So uh what are you doing here?" I mumble, looking down at my moving feet.
     "I was actually heading towards the pub when I saw you walk out of the general store." He recalls blowing a lung full of smoke out. "What are you doing out so late?" He asks.
     My mind quits on me and my voice refuses to respond. "Uh...just buying some...cigs." I stutter, kicking a small rock in front of me.
     "Hmmm, you wanna come?"
     I freeze right where i was making Roger look back in confusion.
     "You want me to go to the pub with you?" I repeat his question. "Is Alice ok with this?" I ask crossing my arms over my chest.
     "She doesn't have to know. Plus, you could work your magic of people there." He smiles. God, that smile could kill me.
     "A'right, lets go." I say as I begin to walk again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     "What about the bartender." He asks pointing to the middle aged man tending the bar.
     I rest my elbow on the bar and take a good look at him.
     "About 38, married, lives in the country, has 3 cats, oof maybe a drug addict, and is clumsy." I describe, leaning back in my chair.
     "How do you know about the clumsy part?" He ponders taking a sip of his beer.
     "Did you not see him spill 15 glasses of beer including ours?"
     "What can I say I'm not very observant." He laughs. God his laugh is bloody adorable. I smile at his comment and take another sip of my drink.
     "So...how are you and Alice doing?" I ask turning to face him.
     "I don't want to talk about that right now." He replies getting quiet all of a sudden.
     "A'right well how's the band doing?" I say trying to change the subject.
     "Well, Tim's a bit of an ass but your brother is really talented. He's a good chap." I smile at his words. My brother never seizes to surprise me.
     "I'm glad. Okay, tell something interesting about yourself." I say excitedly, like a little teen girl.
     "Shouldn't you know everything about me already?" He replies sarcastically.
     "I'm a detective not a mind reader." I say taking a drag of my light.
     "Alright...I have a sister? That's about it though. And my mother works at a textile mill in southern Britain." I nod my head in satisfaction. Not that interesting but it could be worse. "What about your parents? What do they do?"
     "My parents died in a car wreck 2 years ago. Their bodies were found a few months ago. But my dad worked as a newspaper printer and my mother was a school teacher. Both loved music but never got the chance to embrace it. I don't know maybe they just couldn't play any instruments or sing." I stop to see Roger staring at me wide eyed. "What?"
     "I...didn't know your parents were deceased." He says in a concerned tone.
     "You can say dead, Taylor. It's not church now." I chuckle taking a drag of my cigarette.
     "Sophie...I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to put you in a weird place." He says sympathetically.
     I shrug. "I try not to think about it too much."
     He shakes his head and places a hand on top of mine. "I'm so sorry."
     I show a small smile before flashing back into reality. "C'mon Roger, don't tear up now." I laugh as my eyes become slightly glossy.
     "Look who's talking." He chuckles back, his hand still on top of mine. I smile at his humor and take a sip of my beer.
     "What songs has Brian proposed to you for tomorrow?" I ask leaning back in my chair again and inhaling the smoke.
     "Err well we're only gonna play 2 songs. Keep Yourself Alive and Doing Alright." He replies crossing one leg over the other.
     "Hmm, I can't wait. You'll sound terrific." I encourage, sending him an assuring smile.
     "You've never heard me play."
     "Than that gives it a better chance of you sounding brilliant."
     He shakes his head and laughs to himself. "You sure are something."
     "My brother tells me the same thing." I reply, killing my cigarette in the nearby ash tray.
     I look down at my watch. 12:17! Holy shit I gotta go.
     "As much as I'd like to stay, I must go home. It's getting late and you have a concert tonight." I say grabbing my wallet out to pay.
     "What do you mean. The concerts tomorrow you nutter." He laughs.
     I point to the clock now reading 12:20. "Not so nutter am I?" I smile as he realizes it's tomorrow already.
I get up from my chair and grab my purse, but before I could leave I feel a hand grip my wrist.
I turn to see Roger look at me with pleading eyes.
"Please don't go..."
I laugh. "Roger I'll see you later today.."
"Sophie, I can't just leave this room knowing that you won't be with me when I leave."
I look at him weirdly. "What are you saying?"
He opens his mouth to speak but nothing come out, instead, he cups my faces and pulls me into a long loving kiss.
I freeze in the position I'm in. I can't be doing this, no, I shouldn't be doing this. But my heart takes over my brian and kisses him back.
I tangle my hands in his longs locks like I've imagined over and over again. My legs turn to jelly as he wraps his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
     I feel myself getting more turned on by the second, but then thoughts of Alice came into my mind and how our friendship would be torn if we continued this. With that, I pulled away leaving him speechless and looking down at me.
     I bow my head to avoid eye contact as he continues to hold my waist.
     "Roger...your drunk. You don't want me. Now if you'd excuse me, I must go. I'll see you tonight."
     And with that I released from his grasp and left him there speechless and alone.