Conversations I wish I had been part of.

3

Tell me about your father.

My father was an alcoholic. He didn't admit it to himself, ever. But the shelf above the broom closet, right outside his bedroom, was packed with every alcohol I could imagine. He had mixers, hard stuff, and everything in between. Its not that he always had a drink in his hand, but every chance he could, he had a drink in his hand.

I remember one time, on a drive that I don't remember its destination, my father asked me if I thought he was an alcoholic. Instead of just answering yes, I tried to get him to come to that conclusion by saying "Imagine it was me drinking as much as you were. Would you think I needed to stop?" his response was "But, my body weight and tolerance are higher then yours, so that doesn't work." I tried to tell him to ratio it out, so it would be comparative. He didn't understand, as my pre-teen/teen mind couldn't articulate what I was trying to say.  So I dropped it, and he never asked again.

I remember a completely different day, we were getting coffee on our way home. I was in my "formal" wear that was mandated by the church, so understandably I didn't want to spill my coffee on the skirt I was wearing (that I still have, to this day, because my great grandmother made it by hand.). So, as my father was leaving a parking lot, he braked a little bit hard and I asked him if next he could give me a bit of warning before breaking again, so I could steady my coffee in preparation. So he immediately says "I'm breaking" and slams on his breaks, as if he was trying to break check the car behind him. so coffee sloshes on my skirt, and I'm a bit pissed off. I didn't talk the whole car ride home, but my dad never even noticed/cared. When I got home I told my mom and she said "I would have said 'now I don't want it at all'". Like damn, petty much?

My father took to yelling more then talking. He had a very hot temper. I still have flashbacks and panic attacks about being spanked with the leather belt.