Romeo & Juliet - 5SOS // Ashton Irwin (Book 2)

Don't Explain

"Juliet! Wait, Let me explain," Ashton called after me. I slowed to a stop, a car going past just feet from where I stood on the sidewalk. I turned to face him, arms wrapped around myself in a shielding embrace. He stopped running, halting a few feet away from me. He was breathing heavily, eyes searching mine.

I said nothing, declining to say a word until I knew with absolute certainty why he'd called after me. After a few seconds went by he said, "Just let me explain," he repeated.

"There's no need," I shook my head, tightening the hug I held myself in, "You're single. You can do whatever - or whoever - you want."

Ashton looked confused and also slightly angry at my words, "So then, why are you mad at me?"

"Why are you chasing me down and trying to apologize?" I rebutted, surveying him as he said his next words.

He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest as anger fully overtook the confusion of his expression, "This is ridiculous. You don't get to be mad at me. You're with Elliot! You're in a serious, committed relationship with Elliot! You live with him!"

But we broke up.

Swallowing any and every gut instinct that told me to yell at him saying that I was no longer with Elliot, I whispered, "I am."

"You don't get to be mad at me for being with someone else when you have a boyfriend, a boyfriend that's not me!" He yelled. I knew fully that he was letting out every frustration toward me that he'd held back since getting back from tour, so I let him. I had been unfair to him and I deserved every word of anger he could think to spew at me.

"You're right," I nodded, voice still quiet, "I don't." There was silence between us as Ashton glared at me. I knew I was making it difficult for him to argue with me considering I was agreeing with everything he was saying, so I spoke again, "Beth is pretty. She seems nice."

"She is," He said, suddenly finding another thing to argue with me about, "She is nice, and funny, and gorgeous and she..."

As he dragged off, I knew the last attribute before he vocalized it, but I allowed him to get it off his chest nonetheless, "She?

"She wanted me when you didn't," Ashton took a breath before saying, "And you don't want to be with me so you don't get to be mad at me."

But I do. I do want you.

"You're right," I lied, allowing his anger to fall upon me as I knew he shouldn't have had to put up with the back and forth of my emotions.

"And I don't have to apologize for any of it," He continued, voice lowering almost enough to match mine.

There was a pause between us as I contemplated whether or not to speak my mind for the first time during this argument. In the end, I did, saying, "So why the hell are you trying to right now? Why are you fumbling for excuses and arguments to defend the morality of your actions when I don't think you've done anything wrong? I've agreed with you through every step of this one-sided argument. You've done nothing wrong, so stop trying to defend yourself like I'm your girlfriend who just walked in on your affair with another woman. Stop feeling guilty. I'm not your girlfriend. You don't owe me anything."

Ashton said nothing, eyes finding the concrete beneath our shoes. I continued to look at his eyes as I spoke, however, trying to decipher whether or not the words I was saying meant anything to him at all. I held back tears as I said, "I'm with Elliot. I made my choice and you made yours and that's okay. I couldn't expect you to just wait around for me to finally decide to be with you. That would be unfair... and cruel."

He looked up then, his eyes rising to meet my own, allowing me to sincerely apologize, "I'm sorry I've been unfair and cruel," I frantically wiped away a tear as it escaped from my eye, "You deserve better, you deserve someone who is nice, and funny, and gorgeous. Like Beth. I'm happy you're happy. Don't try to apologize for your own happiness."

I turned away, continuing down the street, back in the direction of the diner. If he really had more he wanted to say, he could have called after me. Ashton could have yelled for me to wait and told me he wasn't happy, that I was the only person that brought him true joy. Ashton could have confessed that he was trying to explain himself because he was still in love with me and never wanted to do anything to hurt me even if he had every right to. But he didn't. He let me walk away and that was okay because he didn't owe me a love confession. Like I said, he didn't owe me anything. I left the door open though, allowing him to if he wished, foolishly hoping that he would.