HOME [JENLISA]

Chapter 28 (Part 1)

"I- I thought you want me to leave?" Jennie wiped Lisa's tears. 

Lisa shook her head. 

"I want you to move into the same room with me," she breathed rather quickly.

"You want to what?" 

"Don't you think now is the right time? I won't force you to do anything you're not comfortable. We can just lie here together, cuddling while watching your favorite soap opera or whatever. I want you to be the first and the last thing I see when I wake up and fall asleep. I want to be able to hug you, to kiss you, to touch you whenever I'm restless. I don't like it that you feel so close yet so far from me." she rambled. 

"Lisa-ah.." She was speechless. 

"Whatever happen in your past is in the past. I don't care. I love you for you, for your past, your present and I'll be every step of the way to your future- our future." 

"It sounds too good to be true," Jennie muttered lowly. "You're too good to be true." 

"Then be good with me? Be happy with me?" Jennie rested her head on the crook of Lisa's neck. She clutched her hand onto Lisa's shoulder and pressed it faintly. Lisa wrapped her arms around Jennie and they stayed like that for who knew how long. Various feeling was raging inside their chest. 

"Why are you doing this? Why me? I can't be the person who makes you lose what you have." 

"You're the only reason that I have any of this. You believed in me, you supported me, you make me happy, happier than I ever though I could be. You are what's keep me going. Without you, I wouldn't be anything. You're a perfect human being, Nini. I would be a great fool if I let you go. I want a future with you and only you." 

She didn't respond. 

Lisa led her to the bed. The doctor supported her head by her arm with Jennie facing her. Jennie's eyes looked empty and exhausted. Never in million years she thought her confession about her past to Lisa would be this dramatic and hurtful. She had thrown away her bad history in States now some jerk had to showed up and ruin everything. What will her friends think about her now? What will her colleague think? Imagining the whispered and the jeered she'd received was more than enough to make her heart aching. 

"A dollar for your thought?" Lisa softly poked her nose. 

She inhaled a breath heavily. 

"You look kind of scary with that smudged mascara." Lisa chuckled to melt the ice. The lack of reaction made her stop. "Too soon?" 

"Aren't you ashamed of me?" 

"Why would I?" 

"Everyone in that event knows who you are and who are you dating." 

"I don't really like the word 'dating'," Lisa sighed. "Dating is more like- I don't know, labile inexperience teenagers that smooching each other to look cool and break up a month later just because their partner is not in cheer-leading squad or not the captain of sports club anymore."

"You and I, what we have is a grown up love, we're mature. I'm not going to introduce you as my girlfriend. I prefer to call you my fiancée, even though we're not engaged, yet." 

"They might not like you like I do, we have our own past but don't be ashamed. Do you think my past is not awful? I've loved than I've lost, Nini and I certainly don't want to miss out on you." 

Lisa tucked Jennie's hair to her ear. "You are my lady, dear. And I'm not going to give you up without a fight. I just found you and as cheesy as it sounds, after this longtime of waiting my heart finally says; hey, there you are, where have you been? I've been longing for you." 

That got Jennie smile. "It is cheesy," she giggled. 

"There it go my favorite smile," Lisa pecked her lips gently. "You're beautiful and don't ever forget that. Well, I volunteer to be your personal reminder everyday, no charge. How nice l am, eh?" 

"You're a dork, you know that?" 

"But I'm a cute dork! You love me," she faked a sassiness. 

"That I do," Jennie smiled wearily. "I really do." 

Jennie pulled Lisa towards her and kissed her passionately, she only stopped when she rolled up above Lisa then resumed their kissing. The kiss was different, there's more than just a desire that Jennie poured in it. She wanted to surrender into Lisa's touch, she was willing to give all of her to this woman without holding back right this second. 

Nervous? Scared? Out of question, yes. It made sense since she never had this kind of physical experienced before. If they went all the way tonight, it'd be her first time. 

She had heard from her friends about the 'fly to the moon' and 'feeling whole' when they reached their high many times. Sometimes she grew frustrated and wanted her own experience with Lisa. But this woman was too careful and whatever action she initiated went straight to nothing. 

Tonight was not different. 

"It's late," Lisa pulled back breathlessly. "You need to rest." 

"No," she leaned again. 

"Nini." she prevented her to kiss her again. "You have work tomorrow, you need to rest. Why don't you clear up your make up then we can go to sleep?" 

Jennie huffed off of her, irritated. She then went to Lisa's wardrobe to find some comfortable pajamas. Jennie shut the bathroom door with quite a bang, deliberately for Lisa to acknowledge her annoyance. 

Lisa slumped back into the matrass and closed her eyes. She almost lost Jennie today thanks to that idiot. She was emotionally drained. She knew what Jennie was doing just now and she wanted to give it to her was more than anything. 

But....

Lisa wanted their first time to be special, when both of them in their peace of mind. No rush, not because the feeling of guilty. 

It will happen when the time was right. 

That night, Lisa couldn't sleep. She embraced Jennie close to her not letting her go even just a second. She was too scared to sleep and finding Jennie wasn't by her side when she opened her eyes.

*****

"Nini," she hit the brake slowly till the car stopped perfectly at the traffic lights.

"Hmm?"

"Is the guy, you know... I mean the guy last night, is he your ex?" She asked calmly. However, the strong grip on the steering wheel that made her knuckles turned into white said otherwise. 

"He's not my ex, his friend is. Why you ask?" Jennie tilted her head. 

"Oh, nothing. Just curious," Lisa tugged a smile a little. 

"Something bothering you," she said. It wasn't a question, but a statement. Jennie can read her uneasy eyes effortlessly. 

"No, its nothing." The doctor shook her head. "I'm just asking, really." Thankfully the answer was what she was hoping to hear.

Jennie put her hand on Lisa's jeans and rubbed it lightly. The gesture set her troubled mind aside. Lisa took Jennie's hand in her and gave it a peck. 

They didn't talk about that issue for the rest of the ride. In fact, the tranquil atmosphere accompanied them till they reached their destination; Jennie's office.

Lisa unfasten her seatbelt and walked Jennie into her building. The lawyer said that she didn't have to but Lisa insisted. After all, she was aware of Jennie's worriedness about what her colleagues might talk about her following the last night incident. There were actually a lot of them who attended the event. 

She wanted to be there with Jennie through the looks and whispers she might receive. 

They stepped in in hand in hand. Jennie kept her head down, too afraid to greet people. 

Lisa noticed it, she strengthen her hold and say, "Keep your head up. No one is going to hurt you."

Because I will hurt them back.