All Those Words

Chapter 23

I have a feeling that he knows something. He might have seen something earlier when I was hugging Calysta. Maybe he knows we're dating. Maybe he doesn't like it. Maybe he's thinking about how to lecture us or threaten me to stay away from his daughter. Maybe –

  "Oh my God, Asa!" Calysta's worried voice brings me back to the real world.

Suddenly she's beside me, hitting my back as I choke. The water goes through the wrong tube, choking me as well as burning my airway as it comes up my nose. I drop the glass on the table as I try to cover my mouth, spilling the water all over the table.

  "Are you okay?" she asks, continuing to hit my back. "Are you even listening?"

I feel the burn subside as I press a napkin against my face to wipe away the water and saliva. I'm not sure whether to laugh it off, clean up and continue with dinner or just excuse myself to escape the looks that Mr. Harmon keeps giving me.

Mrs. Harmon quickly cleans up the spilt water, gets me a new plate of food and asks whether I'm okay. Calysta goes back to her seat, getting significant looks from her siblings and turning beat red. But then one of them graciously changes the subject and I get through dinner without choking again.

Mr. Harmon looks like he wants to either kill me or give me the lecture about sex and just the thought of it makes me rush up to my room. When I'm safely inside, I spot the watch that Calysta had given me for my birthday and run my fingers over the engraved words. This is home. An image of my first home flashes in my mind and the sudden urge to go see it fills my heart. I know someone new probably moved in when we left. It's probably someone else's home now but I can't fight the need to go check it out.

  "Asa," Calysta's voice comes from the other side of the closed door. "Are you in there?"

I place the watch back in its case and close the drawer before opening the door. Shale squeezes past me to plop himself on his bed and I look at Calysta. She's smiling shyly, like she's worried about me after the whole choking fiasco.

  "I'm fine," I tell her even though she didn't ask. "But there's this place I want to visit tomorrow. Would you like to accompany me?"

She raises an eyebrow questioningly but I want to keep it a surprise. I've thought about that house multiple times but there's never been a girl I've wanted to take to it. If I think about it, she's the only person I'd ever want to show that house. It's on the poor side of town and it's run down and old but I can't seem to feel the shame when I think of showing her the house I lived in for the most years. I feel like she wouldn't judge and I know that she'll understand the sentimental value of it.

  "You aren't going to tell me where, huh?" she asks and I shake my head. "Alright. When do you want to go?"

  "Tomorrow after lunch," I tell her. "I'll pick you up from your attic room so be ready."

She laughs, takes my hand and runs her thumb over my knuckles. It's something we decided to do when there are others around and we can't hug or kiss each other. She drops my hand when Trixie and Lennon's voices travel up the stairs and then she turns around to leave.

I hate this the most – knowing that I can't go upstairs with her because there are so many people in the house. We've barely got any time alone for months and even though we vowed to take things slow, I'm dying on the inside. All we've done till now is kiss and it's driving me insane. I spend a lot of time in thought and most of the time, Calysta is the subject of my thinking. And when I think of her, I think of the things I want to do with her and when I think about that, I get frustrated because I know that we can't. Not when we're in this house.

  "Goodnight, Asa," she whispers teasingly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

It takes a lot of self-control not to grab her and kiss her right then. I can even imagine pushing her up against the wall and feeling her pulse against my lips as I kiss her neck, taste her mouth and run my hands over her soft, smooth skin.

I hear her giggle as she walks away, as if she knows what she's doing to me and when I look down, I realize that she does know. This time my face flushes a million shades of red and I shut myself in my room. Luckily Shale is too busy with a book he has to read for school so he doesn't look up. I strip down to my boxers and jump into bed.

I stare at the ceiling for a long time, trying to think about anything except Calysta and my mind swirls to my old house. Images of my parents flash in my mind but their faces are blurred. I really don't remember them at all. I just remember an earthy smell always being in the house, mixed with cigarette smoke and whatever food my mother would cook. I remembered my mother having a long night dress and I remember both my parents barely being at home.

That's why I don't remember them properly. They were barely ever at home. And that's my last thought before the tiredness finally drags me under.