Secrets of a School Girl (teacher/student love story)

Chapter Four . . . Choices

Chapter Four . . . Choices

Tyler and I have been talking for a while now and occasionally we would go out to dinner but I got nothing more than holding his hands and a little peck on the cheek. I guess he listened when I said that I wanted to take it slow, but the truth was that I didn't want to take it slow anymore, I wanted to be with him at all times and to know what it would be like to kiss him on the lips. No other guy had made me feel that way before and I felt safe and protected. That was something I haven't felt for a long time.

Today though was about me and Carrie. I haven't really talked to her since the day I flipped on her, but truthfully she didn't know my life, no one did. I guess I went at her the wrong way, but could I really tell her the truth?

We were at the park. Carrie, Austen, and myself. Sierra had went to one of her friends house, and I would pick her up after we were done.

We were sitting on the bench in silence each of us looking at the ground when Carrie was the first to break the silence.

"So, how are things with you and Tyler been?" I smiled at her unsure face.

"Fine, there hasn't really been anything going on between the two of us." I couldn't control the sadness in my voice, and with Carrie being my best friend she could clearly see my sadness.

"You wish there was though don't you?" I heard the laughter in her voice and gave her a look.

"Honestly, yes. I told him I wanted to take things slow, but now that I know him more I want to speeed things up a little bit." She raised her eyebrow at me. "Not sexually." I quickly added.

"I didn't expect you to want anything sexual." We both laughed together and then it became silent again.

"I'm really sorry about before Carrie, I know you just want the best for me and I shouldn't of yelled at you like that. I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"Kristine, why don't you think that you should be happy. Just because you take care of your kids doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be happy. You are an amazing girl and that's why Tyler likes you so much." 

"There's a lot you and Tyler both don't know about me." I said feeling tears coming to my eyes. My past was begining to ruin my future and slowly tearing me apart.

"I know. Trust me honey I know, but you are not ready to tell me yet, and when you are I'll be here for you. No matter what happened to you in the past I will always be there for you. You could've stole fifty million dollars at the bank. I would still love you and wonder where my share was." We both laughed again and I brought her in for a hug. I loved this girl, she was my real sister, and I needed her in my life. She was the only one to keep me sane and alive.

"I love you girl." I whispered before pulling away.

"I love you too, and now that are caring and sharing session is over we got some serious things to talk about." I rolled my eyes.

"What kind of things?"

"Well, you have two kids, you are seventeen, Tyler has no kids, and he is twenty-three. You do realize you are going to have a lot to explain to him." I never thought about me being underage, but the thought of Austen and Sierra were always on the back of my mind.

"I don't know if I can tell him about the kids." I looked at a sleeping Austen in his stroller and realized I could never tell Tyler about the kids. He could hurt me emotionally, probably more than my father could ever have. I don't think I could take another heartbreak.

"Are you ashamed of the kids?" I looked at her in shock.

"No! Never, they are the greatest kids anyone could ever. It's just what if he would never want to see me again? If I don't tell him about the kids and just break things off maybe he would at least want to be my friend."

"You don't want to be just friends though."

"I know, but . . . but . . . God I don't know what to do!" Suddenly I looked up and the sky was dark.

"We gotta go, it's going to rain." Carrie said and I sighed together we walked back to the car.

After carefully strapping in Austen we drove off and it began to pour. It looks like we made it just in time.
"Carrie, what am I going to do?" I whispered.

"Well, the way I see it you have two choices. One is risk having any relationship with Tyler and tell him about the kids, or two break things off with him and be friends then tell him about the kids."

"So either way I have to tell him about the kids?"

"Pretty much unless you just want to break things off and not want to see him at all." I looked down and played with my fingers.

"I seriously don't know what to do. Either way it seems like I'm going to lose him. What would you do if you were me?"

She smiled before pulling into the parking lot of the bookstore. "Well right now I'm thanking God that I'm not you, but if I were I think that I would just come out and tell him and let him decide what he wanted to be, but again I'm not you so its your choice."

I looked around the parking lot and back to her. "What are we doing here?"

"I need to pick up a book I have waiting. Do you want to come with me." I looked at the bookstore and it seemed old. They usually had the best books.

"Yeah, let me just get Austen." I ran out of the car and ran through the rain to the other side of the car and grabbed Austen's carseat with him inside and we ran into the bookstore.

Once inside the scent of books hit me. "Hey, I'll be right back." She said and I nodded. I walked into the poetry section and was looking at the name of the books. They were all really about love and loss.  I didn't need a book of poetry to tell me what love and loss was. I knew all about love and loss, and I sure as hell didn't need to read it again.

I shook my head at the set of books and turned to walk away knocking books down in the process. The woman who was working at the cash register glared at me and I quickly looked at my feet and swore under my breath. I quickly got to my knees and sat the car seat right next to me and began picking up books.

There was five of them but a big red book caught my attention, it was opened up to a page and the Title was called 'Choices"

“In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”   by Cassandra Clare, City of Glass.

I didn't read the rest of it I just saw that quote and realized that it was meant for. After all the years of abuse and suffering God was trying to give me a sign now?

I touched the words in the book and felt a tingle in my finger tips. Yep, this was God's way of saying you have a choice to make and you must make it. Great just great. God is telling me to make a choice that I don't know how to make. Damnit all! I picked up the book with out reading the title or price and took it up to the cash register with Austen.

Clearly the lady at the register wasn't happy with me about me knocking down the books because she just glared at me the whole time. I wanted to roll my eyes at her. I picked the books up, and it's not like I did it on purpose it was an accident.

"That would be 4.50." I dug in my purse and gave her my money and waited for Carrie by the door.

"What ya get?" She said as we walked outside together. Luckily it had stopped raining so we were able to walk to the car and not run.

"To be honest, I don't really know. I just saw it and realized it would help me." She smiled at me and took the book from my hands.

"It's called 'Living Life' (a/n just a made up story don't know if there's a book called like that but if there is I have no rights to it or anything like that)

I looked up at the sky and smiled. "Thanks."

"For what?" I looked over at Carrie who looked confused.

"Being you." I made up with a laugh as we got to the car. I quickly put Austen in the car and Carrie and I got in.

"So, do you know what you are going to do about the whole Tyler situation."

I looked down at the book in my hands and traced over the Title of the book with my fingers.

"You know, I think I do."