Mine

Four.

I never get bored or tired of being around him. We talk about any and everything and it's never forced...it's like we've known each other our whole lives. Being around him is so easy. We just get each other. And God forbid I try to sleep in the guest room...Vonte will literally drag me down the hall to his room. I like his bed better though, it's much more comfortable than the guest bed. And the way he holds me when we sleep makes me dread having to wake up in the morning. Whether my back is pressed against his chest with his arm slung around my torso holding me in place, or his face is nestled in the crook of my neck, or my head is laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat...I've never felt so protected in my life.

He's slowly been opening up to me about his childhood, which I know is hard for him, but it's given me such a better understanding of him and why he is the way he is. His dad died when he was young, and his mom relocated them from New York and had to work two and sometimes three jobs to take care of him. That's why my mom used to watch him so much...because she was never home. When he was in high school he used to sell weed and pills, and that landed him in juvy. The boys in there used to pick with him for being from up north, so he had to fight almost everyday. Being locked up was really tough for him, and it's one of the reasons why he's so cold and insensitive. He doesn't really trust anyone, and the list of people he cares about is very short, but I think I've worked my way onto it...

I've been opening up to him too; I told him all about my anxiety, and how I've never really felt like I fit in, and even about my daddy issues. My dad left us when I was four, and my parents officially divorced a short time after that. At first my daddy was still coming around for me, but as I got older the visits and calls became less frequent...then they just stopped. Even though I was young, I still remember how my mom cried for him, and the pain in her voice every time she spoke about him, and how her whole body caved whenever someone would even mention his name. But being the strong, independent black woman she is, she pulled herself up by her own bootstraps and made a wonderful life for the two of us. My mother works her ass off to provide for me, and I'll always be thankful for that. My plan is to finish college, get a good job, and in five years be able to start paying her back for all she's done for me.

My mom is happy that Vonte and I have grown so close. She thinks we're gonna end up together, but honestly, we're just great friends. I even got him to make a Snapchat, but all he does is send pictures and videos of him smoking to me.

Following an hour and a half of listening to Jadakiss' Kiss of Death album (which is actually a decent project) and transitioning from regular Cyn to business professional Cyn, I stood in the mirror looking myself over one more time.

"I am beautiful, I am confident, I am smart, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I can do this." I repeated over and over as I smoothed the sides of my blouse.

I grabbed my already packed bookbag and a pair of black heels, then slid my feet into a pair of slides and exited my bedroom, closing the door behind me. Since my mom already left for work, I set the alarm and walked out to my car. I waved to Ms. Elaine across the street, who was sitting on her porch smoking a cigarette, before tossing my heels and backpack into the passengers seat of my car. As I backed out of the carport I chuckled at the pile of clothes, which were a mixture of mine and Devonte's, that had accumulated in my backseat.

I got to school and found a parking spot exactly fifteen minutes before my class started, so I got a few moments to look over my PowerPoint one more time before slipping my heels on and making my way into my lecture hall.

I was assigned the second slot to present, but since the person in front of me didn't show up to class, I presented first. I took a deep breath as I walked up to the front of the classroom with my flash drive in my hand, hearing Devonte's voice in my head telling me 'you got this shit, Ma'.