Falling skies

The first cracks

Just as that thought came into my mind, I remembered Kamski. He did care about me. I was his first succes, like a price in the cabinet, somethink he is proud of, but he didn't seemed like he cared about me. Or at least not about my sentinent self. He cared about me as something he created. Almost like the Pygmalion myth, when the sculptor fell in love with it's own creation, but the golden sculpture wasn't human, so it couldn't return his feelings. I didn't want to be the same. I wanted to change, becuse if that's what he feels for me, and I will broke his heart, it will break me too. 

"So? How can I help you?" Markus asked. I just sat there mute for a second, thinking. I came here for answer, but I didn't had my questions. I was just here, waiting for him to miraculously solve all my problems. Only if it was that easy...

"I... I think I don't want to be the golden remainings of something that wasn't real in the first place. I feel like I'm missing something. A part of me... Something that makes humans human. Something that makes you human. I want to be that too. I want to feel things. I want to feel love to care about others. Or to care about him. But I juat can't feel anything." is started. The words came out from my mouth like an unstoppable river, and Markus was listening to me carefully. 

"I think you probably need to think this through." he said. "You already have all the answers you are seeking, and yet you refuse to accept it. There was someone else I knew that had te same problem as you. He came to find his answer."

"And what was his answer?" I asked excitedly.

"It was a girl... A girl named (Y/N). I'm sure you are familiar with her name, if you came here, seeking my help." he said.

"And what was his question?" I asked. "If (Y/N) was the answer, what was his question?" I looked into Markus's eyes searching for the answers, but he didn'tgive me any. He seemed like he wanted me to figure it out. But that's why I came here. I couldn't figure this out on my own.

"He needed to chose between two things." Markus finally said.

"And did he chose the right one?" I asked.

"I think so. It made him a deviant, it made him lose his job, his trustworthyness in the eyes of those who created him, but he found something that's worth being a deviant."

"And it's (Y/N)?"

"For him, yes. For me the thing that's worth being deviant, the someone that's make it worth lays here." he said, as he looked behind his back, and gently patted the blanket.

"Is it really worth it?" I asked.

"For me it's worth more then anything..."

I looked at the man behind Markus for a moment. There wasn't anything special about him. He had blonde hair, his eyes were framed by bis eylashes, he breathed in and out peacefully. Smiling. His short hair was a bit messy, but I guess it  was because he was sleeping. His pale skin made him look fragile, and innocent. He wasn't half as beautiful than Kamski. He wasn't one of a kind like Kamski, he had multiple counterpart. 

"How can he sleep?" I asked suddenly realising what happened with him.

"I guess, he is more human than me already. He feels things, not just emotions... He feels tired sometimes, he was thirsty the other day, so I needed to get some thirium for him. He doesn't realises it, but he is way more human than any other andoid I know." Markus said. "He has something even I don't. He has imagination, and faith ib me. He has such an incredible faith in me, even when everyone thought, I will fail, includeing myself, he said that we are sure to succed, because I was with him." Markus said. As he looked at the sleeping android, his sight almost caressed the line of the other's chin, down to his neck. It was such a gentle look, filled with so much emotions... And I wanted that. If the other android really feels more than this one on front of me, then they might have even more emotion in their life than most of the humans ever. They found each other. They found true love, something, lots of humans only yearn throughout their whole life. 

"And... What is my answer? What is that thing that's worth me it?"

"This is something only you know the answer to. Who have you been thinking when you looked at Simon. You had someone in your mind. There is someone you are doing this for, who is it? You seem like you are lost and you are missing the  light tower from your life. Who is it? Who do you need to help find the real you?" he asked me. For a moment I thought.

The first question... It was Kamski, I thought about. And as for the second question, it is Elijah who I am doing this for. Also, if you ask me on whose side can I be the most myself it's Elijah. There is no one else that knows about me as much. He is the one who created me after all.

Could it be?

Could it be that the only thing that makes it worth going deviant would be Elijah?

The very one I ran away from to find myself and my reason?

I don't know how long have I been quiet, and looked in front of me to the floor. I just spaced out and thought about home. I missed it. Can I miss anything? Can I want anything? Are these not emotions, I just ignored in the first place?

"Thank you." I said at the end. I stood up from the chair determined. I needed to find Kamski and talk about everything truthfully. We needed to talk about the revolution more. 

"I hope my ansers helped after all." Markus said, as he looked at my face.

"They sure did." I said. "I'll find my way out, and lock the door. don't worry. You can stay here with him."

Markus just looked at me smiling , and nodded once. He pulled himsel up on the bed and then the other android just pulled closer to him. Markus wrapped his hand around the other and hugged him with the blanket. I turned the light off, then silently closed the door behind me. The last thing I heard fom the room, was the faint noise of a kiss, Simon's peaceful breathing, and Markus whispering "I love you Simon. I love you more than anything."

I walked away from their door, and down the big stairs. As many answers I got get me more confused. Am I really the same as other androids, can I really feel things like others, and could have I been feeling these thing for so long, without realising it? Could I really been in love without knowing it?

With these thoughts I was slowly walking down the stairs, looking around in this place. It looked so beautiful when I walked in. Now it looked even more beautiful. Getting to know a bit better what kinds of people living here made the whole place looking like a one of my friends house. Like a second home, where you can find yourself, where you can be yourself, without caring what others think about you, because you know that there is almost nothing you could and would do to make them hate you. And it also filled with love. What Markus said, when he corrected me... Our room. It's something you were envious about. It was something that made you want to have the same, but with Elijah.

As I closed the entrace door behind me, I felt like a soldier going to war. I might win, and get everything I want, or I might make one mistake, and lose everything I've ever had. I felt the sword of Damocles hanging above my head. An I knew that even one little mistake could make it fall.

*author's note*

I hope you like it. It was hard to write this chaper, becuse I needed to go back to check a lot of things not to mess up the story. But there you have it. Hope you liked it.

See you soon my little hearts!💛💙x💙💚