Dancing With The Devil

Chapter 30

It became infinitely clear that while I wanted to confront every little thing that happened between Alistair and I, he was on the opposite end. The next morning we were both sober after sleeping in separate beds. My head had a dull ache within it, but it was the embarrassment which kept me in my little bed, under a cocoon of thick blankets. I wasn't sure if I was grateful that we had stopped when we did before it got worse and I had a panic attack later on- at a more delicate time- or if I wished that I had forced myself to stay grounded and reasonable for a while longer just to see what would happen.

It had been so long since I had been with a man and I had only ever been with Josh. I just wanted to know what someone else felt like, tasted like. And Alistair was a man I felt I trusted enough. Still, was it worth the risk?

But I knew that if I pondered what ifs any longer Alistair would come looking for me out of concern and I didn't want him to come hunting for me. So I forced myself out of bed and got dressed. A few moments later I had my hair brushed and my breath was minty, then I was heading into the kitchen where he was already sipping tea on a bar stool and flicking through a spreadsheet.

"Hey." I whispered tensely.

"Morning." He replied with a bright smile, "I made extra eggs and toast if you want them."

And just like that I knew that we wouldn't be discussing last night's events. And this time I was okay with that. I didn't know what to say about what had happened. I didn't want to apologize again, I hadn't forced myself on him, he had seemed like he had wanted it just as much as I had. And I didn't want to try and explain what had happened, dripping into a very dark and exposing trail of tales from my past. For now I decided that it was best to leave it as it was. What had happened was in the past. If he wanted to broach the topic than I would allow it and respond appropriately, but I didn't feel the need to make the first move.

We floated around each other in a relatively comfortable understanding for a few days. Everything was alright on the surface but I knew that it could all fall to shambles if one of us said or did the wrong thing. So it was always eagerly agreeing to everything the other person suggested and very boring, light conversations.

Finally, after a week of walking on social eggshells Alistair decided it was time for an outing.

"I'm going swimming, would you like to join me?" he asked.

"There's a pool?" I peered out the window, surveying the village around me.

None of the buildings looked large enough to house a public swimming pool.

"Not here, in Kosice. It's one of my favorites. It's more like a thermal spring water spa. After all the sightseeing we've done I think it might be nice to have a more relaxing day."

The idea of staying home alone was enticing. I could curl up in front of the TV and submerse myself in movies, ignoring the previous events completely. Or I could have a few hours to sort through the wild thoughts that whirled through my head and confront all of the feelings that tore at me quite constantly. It would allow me to regroup.

But it would also give me too much time to over think and I knew that I would have a hard time when Alistair returned back home. I would be awkward and uncomfortable around him once more and the process would restart itself.

Ultimately, my sore feet and tender back won out of the desire to hermit.

The spa and wellness center was gorgeous, clean, and perfectly modern. I purchased a cheap one piece and was delighted when it actually fit me quite well, hugging my hips nicely and actually covering my full breasts. I padded out of the change room with a towel wrapped around my body, a little self-conscious around the fit and blonde women that were already frolicking in the shallow water. Once I found a secluded section of the water I discard the towel onto a nearby chair and ambled into the water.