𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑨𝑫𝑬, the outsiders

𝟏𝟐

After awhile of quietly sitting there, wishing she would come back, I finally decided to head home. I shivered as a cold breeze ruffled through the quiet night, pulling Sodapop's oversized flannel around my body.

Before I left, however, I turned to speak to her one last time, "I want to let you know that the boys are doing a great job taking care of me. Darry's pushing me to do my best, and Soda's always understanding. He's amazing for comfort. Whenever I have a bad night or a horrible day, he's always there. Thank you for teaching us the definition of true family, Logan. Thank you, I love you." I finished, reaching out to touch her gravestone one last time.

After leaving the cemetery, I decided to stop into a grocery store, not only to check the time but to also see if anything there interested me. It was 2:30 in the morning, and I knew my brothers were worried sick. I didn't want to go home tonight, because they would ask too many questions and I wasn't in the mood for an interrogation.

After awhile of pondering around, I began walking to the DX. I knew that Steve slept there when he didn't feel like crashing at our house. I mean, if his father didn't kick him out that night.

Nearing the DX, I prayed that Steve would be there. I knew for a fact that Soda wouldn't be there. Not only was it about 2:30 AM, but Soda had a nice home. I would know, I lived there myself.

Suddenly, it started pouring down rain. Sodapop's flannel wasn't warm enough; it was a cold rain. Even though I was getting closer to the DX, I was a still a solid 15 minutes away. It was beginning to get hard to see, but I did my best to make it to the DX.

"Steve!" I yelled through the rain as I reached his and Soda's workplace. I was shivering.

He came up behind me, "Ponyboy? What the fuck are you doing here?" Steve questioned, taking a good look at me. I shivered and my reddish-brown hair was soaking wet. Steve's expression immediately softened up as he pulled me inside and out of the rain.

"T-Thank you," I muttered through my chattering teeth, shivering even more than I already was.

"For God's sake, take the flannel off! What are you doing here?"

"I-I was visiting L-Logan at the cemetery, a-and I lost track of time. I-I knew D-Darry was gonna get mad and I-I... I wasn't in the mood for an i-interrogation." I explained, taking off Soda's flannel. That left me my soaking jeans and a soaking Paul Newman shirt.

"Alright," Soda's best friend started, tossing me his DX shirt, "Dry off, you're gonna get sick. I'll phone your house and tell your brothers that you're safe." he explained, and I thanked him, quickly taking off my shirt without him looking. I threw on his shirt and buttoned it quickly while he was calling my brothers.

"Darry's pissed, so Sodapop was the one doing the talking. He was worried sick about you. But Darry loves you, you know. He's strict, yes, but that's only because he doesn't want to lose another person he loves." Steve told me, and I nodded my head.

"At least I know they care," I muttered, still shivering. My lower body was still soaking.

"Pony, let me get you some pants or you'll get sick." Steve rushed around, grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants and throwing them to me, "They're gonna be big, but they'll work for tonight. It ain't too bad. I'll drive you home tomorrow."

"Thank you." I whispered, "Thank you for looking out for me, Steve." I pulled on the sweatpants and took off my jeans.

"It ain't a problem. Your brothers would kill me if I let anything happen to you." he laughed, and I laughed with him.

I always knew I could count on Steve. I had always thought of him as my older brother's annoying best friend, and I'm positive he thought of me as my older brother's annoying little brother. But I've learned something. Steve cares about me just as much as he cares about Sodapop.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss her." I whispered, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes at any given moment. Steve came over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I miss her too, Pony. I miss her a lot, but I know that the pain I'm feeling couldn't ever amount to the pain you're feeling. Please know that I'll always be here for you. I didn't notice Logan's facade, and that cost us. But I'm sure in hell gonna notice yours, and that's a promise I intend to stick to."

I nodded my head, pulling away from the hug. Suddenly, my mind drifted to Logan.

All the memories come back, but she never does. What was it like to lose her? It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me- only, all at once.

so, this is the official end of facade. notice anything familiar between the first and twelfth chapter? anyway, thank you all for reading and for the support you've given me throughout this entire book. i love you all so much. stay gold.

sincerely yours,
shea.

a/n: you matter. please stay. i love you. remember there is a light at the end tunnel. if it's not okay, it's not the end. the national suicide prevention lifeline is 1800-273-8255.