My notebook (Byler)

8

   
    The ride to the arcade was quiet. Mike seemed to be in his own world and made it seem like I was - again - nonexistent. I looked at him when I got the chance, not daring to say one word to him.
  Soon we got to the arcade. Mike smiled at me as we put our bikes away and headed inside, meeting the rest of the party. Max looked at me and smiled ear to ear.
  "Will! You're okay!" I smiled at Max's enthusiasm and began walking up to her but stopped abruptly. Mike had a hand on my wrist.
  "You want to cause trouble again?" Mike snapped at Max. This time Lucas stepped in.
  "Hey! She's not doing anything, Mike. Drop it" Lucas said.
  "Again? What do you mean again?" Dustin joined. I stood, staring at Max with a look of guilt. She had not noticed though. She was to occupied with being angry at Mike to give me a second a glance.
   "I wasn't talking to you" Max snapped.
"I was talking to Will." Mike scoffed.
"Since when were you two besties?" He retreated back.
  "Since you stepped out the picture" Max tried to step closer but Lucas blocked her way. At this point Mike had let go of my wrist and was now in front of me.
  "Can't we just play some games? Have fun like we were meant to do?" Dustin whined and caught my eyes. He frowned slightly. "Don't tell him..please Dustin don't tell him" I thought.
   "Not until she leaves!" Mike said. I had had enough of this and walked out the arcade. This isn't why I came along. This isn't what I wanted. I shouldn't have told Max. I should have kept my mouth shut but I just had to go and run my mouth. Stupid

  I walked farther and farther away till I was at the park. I mean, it wasn't that far but it sure felt like it. I sat down and shoved my face in my hands and felt the guilt pour itself inside me. I knew it was all my fault for opening so much to people that weren't Mike. But how could I help it? Mike was gone and he was the only one who gets me. Who bothers to ask if I'm okay without treating me like some overly sensitive weird kid. My bestfriend was gone and I just had to talk about things, complain about him. I miss him so much..so so much...
   ***
After sitting at the park for a bit, I decided visit mom at work. I just wanted her to hug me and tell me it's alright. I hadn't even called her to let her know I was going out with my friends. I hope she didn't find out.
I walked in, seeing my mom restock a shelf so with all my strength to not cry, I ran at her and hugged her side. My lip immediately trembling. She tended at first but soon relaxed as she saw who was hugging her.
  "Will, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be home" she scolded.
  "I just..I.." I began crying into her side. She hugged me bag tightly.
  "What happened? Who hurt you?" She sounded angry yet worried.
   "I... I just wanted to see you" I tried to keep it all together with no success. I was a mess and there was no lie I could say to explain this.
   
         I hate myself
                  I hate myself