Why We Burn

- Why We Leave -

My hands ran over the many framed photographs that had been put on the shelf. I could tell my mother had been fishing through the old belongings we'd never had the chance to unpack; the photos were all pre-divorce. I didn't really remember my pre-divorce life. I guessed I didn't really care that every night my parents would argue and sometimes even break things. Back then, that was what a "normal" life was for me. I didn't know any better. My parents decided to divorce the day my dad hit my sister after she got in a fight with some older guys from school.

"What were you thinking, getting into fights like that?!" he had screamed. "You should be here, studying, not outside with those punks who raid supermarkets and steal from innocent people!" From upstairs, I'd heard a yelp and then a girl crying. It was my sister. That's when my mum realised that dad had no place in our household. The divorce wasn't one of those proper ones where both parents sign some papers and leave happily. In the case of my parents, it was a quick "goodbye" and then he left. My dumb ten or so-year-old brain didn't even notice that my dad wasn't living with us anymore until he didn't show up for the weekly family meal. That was when the pain and sadness really hit. After that, I mostly kept to myself and didn't go outside as much. Now, as I looked at these photos, I remembered how much happier I used to be. These days I usually just stayed at home and played the piano or something instead of going out with my friends. I would sit for hours at the dusty grand piano and just pour my heart out with music. Sometimes my sister got mad at me if I played for too long. She'd shout at me for a couple of minutes and then storm off into her room. It wasn't really a big deal if she wasthe one shouting at me; if it was my mum, then I had to stop playing. I just realised something, actually: in my house, someone is always shouting at the other. The thought saddened me for some reason. I didn't know why. I'd lived like this my whole life so why did it seem like a big deal now? I snapped out of my daydream and grabbed my backpack, I suddenly didn't want to be here anymore. I stuffed a couple of snickers bars and a stale churro from the table into the bag and headed out. I ran down the rusted metal staircase and pushed open the blood-stained door. A gust of wind greeted me as I stepped outside and I had to do everything to keep from shivering. I was clearly not dressed properly for this weather but how was I supposed to know if it was going to be cold or not? I didn't own one of those fancy thermometers like everyone else did. I quickly shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweater and continued walking across the run-down street. There was no one outside, so I could hear each ruffle of dead leaves as they tumbled around. I decided that autumn was my favourite season. Everything was always bland and quiet. It felt calm for some reason. At least more calm than in my house. I crossed the abandoned road and turned a corner that lead to an alleyway. I crept further into it, silently breathing in the dusty air. For a while, I heard nothing but the sound of my own heart beating but, suddenly, a voice broke through the silence. Jungkook's voice. He was humming a familiar melody, I think it was "Euphoria" but I couldn't be sure. I was about to greet him but then the singing abruptly stopped. I backed up, not wanting Jungkook to think I'd been eavesdropping on him. My ears felt hot, as they always did when something embarrassing happened. I slowly stepped around one of the brick walls that formed part of the alley just as Jungkook came storming past me. He noticed me but didn't say anything. Just kept on speed-walking forward. I was confused. Why didn't Jungkook say anything? Why were there tears splattered on his cheeks? My shoulders slouched, I didn't feel like talking to him anyways. He couldn't mend the problems within my family. This time, no one could. Not even Hoseok or Jimin or any of the other members. I figured in this situation I'd have to work it out myself. Again.