wanderlust for love [2won / hyungwonho fanfic]

Chapter 19

My heart is pounding fast - how innocent I must be to have my heart pounding like this! - and I'm sure he can hear it, we're so closely fit together. The puzzle analogy comes back to mind, and I have to say, it fits. Head snug against his chest, I feel like I rightfully belong there. Like it's a home that I've been away too long on vacation from.

I hear a rumble in his chest. It sounds mediative, not angry of any nature. Which reminds me.

"Are you still mad?" I mumble, it muffled against his chest. He seems pretty calm so I'm actually not afraid to ask this time.

I hear a rumble again, and then a huff of air on my head as he sighs.

"No. How could I stay mad at you.... Warm and feeling as you are?" His voice is almost resigned. I want to laugh. Is he resigned to an amount of time of having to deal with that?

But that still doesn't tell me what I want to know.

"So are you going to tell me what I did wrong, then?" I'm a little more frightened to ask these questions, which seems to be justified when he freezes, but I do it anyways, placating myself into a security of peace with his arms wrapping around me in safety.

He freezes, but doesn't show any aggressive reaction, so I grow bold.

I bump into him and gently ask him again. This is something I need to know if I don't want to make him mad again. Which I really really don't.

"Well," he starts, sighing again. God, he has sighed so much today. I note that. When he sighs, that must be an indicator of frustration.

"It was what you asked." His voice sounds tired. What I asked? All I asked was why you were dating me. Is that not a legitimate question?

He must sense my confusion - I'm serious, we really are perfect puzzle pieces! - and he elaborates, unlinking his arms and stroking my back lightly as he does.

I stifle a sigh of pleasure. I need to get desensitized. And quick. Or else I'm really not going to survive this trip.

He drops his head into my hair in frustration.

"Your really don't see yourself well, do you?"

Huh? Why this all of a sudden? We were talking about us, not my obviously low self esteem.

"When you phrase the question that way, you're looking down on me." His tone is no nonsense, which is funny because everything he just said is literally the definition of nonsense. What are you even talking about?

"Do you think that I love things that aren't worth loving? That don't deserve my love?"

I want to focus on his words, but my heart thrills when he says he loves me. It's still shocking.

"No," I say after I finally manage to focus.

"So why do you think you aren't worth me?" His tone is softer now, exploring. He sounds actually curious and that derails me enough so that I don't know what to even say.

Um. The basics? You're rich, I'm not? You're super hot, and I'm decent?

"You're rich?" It comes out more as a question. Somewhere in my head I realize that I had more reasons, but with his arms around me and him putting me on the spot, I can't seem to remember it. I fiddle with my hands in the limited space.

"You're rich too, Hyungwon." I start to snort - what dumb bitch juice is he drinking? I guess this explained why he asked me out in the first place - but he shushes me before I get the chance.

"Rich in heart and compassion."

I want to throw up, it's so corny, but underneath all that yuck, it's actually kind of... sweet. And his tone sounds so proud after saying that so I just let it go.

"You listen here, Hyungwon." I wake up immediately at the change in his tone. "I love you. Not some celebrity, not someone of my dad's level. You. Just you, flaws and all. This is pure love - untouched by a want for money or power or recognition. I simply like because you're so simple and I can relax around you. I love you for the way that you slide your bangs around on your head when you're bored or confused, the way you really listen to people when they're talking, so much that they feel comfortable and trust you wholeheartedly. The way that you appreciate the beauty in small things and actually care about making a difference. The way your heart is bigger than your anger. I don't love you because of the materialistic things, in fact, those things should never play a role in who you decide to love. I love you because of the person you make me want to be, the person that I am with you, so when you say things like you just said, you're not only pulling your own self down, you're pulling me down with you for loving someone who doesn't know that they're loved. "

I try to swallow, but the sheer enormity of what he's saying is all around me and my voice has gone dry. I'm struggling to remember what we were even talking about, because all I hear is 'I love you' ringing in my head.