i want to make an announcement. not only do i have a lot of shit going on ooa that makes me crazy, there's a lot of negative things that happen on wattpad as well, and when those things happen I go literally fucking crazy, I get so upset and worked up and overwhelmed and angry because this is supposed to be my happy place.
I've decided that for now on, i'm just going to focus on my family and friends. if somebody does something just to push my buttons, good for them; if somebody tries to start shit with a loved one then what the fuck ever, if i know that it's not true. I've been the happiest that i've been in a long time and tonight was horrible, my anxiety jumped the fuck out, and when my anxiety jumps out I tend to act like .... a literal child. so a special thank you to my baby for putting up with my rants and long ass messages being a cringey ass cry baby all worked up over shit.
I just wanted to aplogize to everybody for how down I've been for the last year or so. I always try so hard but it's never good enough, and Ricky makes me feel more than good enough at my lowest moments just like tonight and that's such an uplifting feeling. I really don't think I would have survived the last few months if he wasn't by my side.
But, I want everyone to know that i'm going to work harder on it. If people want to walk all over me, disrespect me, and try to start drama, and lie to my loved ones, and twist my words, and push my buttons, whatever. My kids and Ricky know how much I love and adore them and that I'd never deliberately do anything to hurt them, and that's all that matters. They know that we can talk ooa or in roleplay about absolutely anything and get it all worked out, and that's all that should matter. I have Ricky, I have my friends, I have my kids, I have my pets and that's all that matters.
Having severe anxiety is horrible. And when you're dealing with the same repetitive cyberbullying all day every day, it really gets to you. I apologize for how down i've been and for getting so worked up and for allowing others to destroy my happiness and peace, because that's not the Ariana that you've all gotten to know the last 4 years.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to enjoy my perfect little life with my baby, soak in every moment and live life to the god damn fullest, posting cheesy, giddy, and uplifting shit on my mb just like I used to. Positive and happy Ariana is making a return, and y'all can honestly thank Ricky for that. Thank him for being my peace, and comfort, for keeping me sane, for always calming me down, for treating me like gold and being so patient and understanding. There is just something about him and it blows my mind. I really don't deserve him and nights like tonight show me that lmaoo, i'm the luckiest and most blessed human being on this earth and I don't have any words to let him know how grateful I am for tolerating me. A more mature and calm ariana is coming back and i'm not letting anyone destroy that.
I want to talk about self care and how good that makes me feel for a moment. Taking a nice long shower and listening to my favorite songs, shaving and getting nice smooth skin then putting on lotion all over, skin care routine, nice clean clothes, brushing my teeth and hair, then going into my bedroom and getting into fresh sheets that I just put on in my room that I just cleaned and organized then reading a book to work my brain and keep focus. All of that makes somebody feel so amazing. Lately, i haven't been doing most of that because I've been so depressed that I just don't give a fuck. But now I'm going to start to again, because I want to, because I have somebody who's bringing me happiness, makes me feel human, and is lifting me up again, and because it makes me feel good.
Never again after tonight will I let anybody disturb my peace. I'm going to do what's best for my mental health and focus on those I love and respect and care for and those who I know love, respect and care for me. I really can't thank Ricky enough for going thruuuuu it dealing with me the last few months, I really don't deserve such a perfect human being. He's gonna get to meet bad bitch / classy / mature / (he's already met happy and giddy that's like all he knows besides my ooa melt downs) / and purely positive ariana that laughs at shit like this and i'm so excited for that. Whatever I can do to repay him for everything he's done for me and gone through for me you fuckin bet I will, if he says "walk through fire on your hands" a bitch is gonna walk through fire on her hands 💀💀
