Trepidation

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I sat in that basement for days.

I know I shouldn't have. I know it made it worse. Watching her.

Her glasses over eyes no longer intense dark blue but totally white. Her arm missing a chunk. Her skin white and pallid. All of her a light blue. Her weezing. She still had cancer. It was just paused.

It has been an entire week and I still can't really believe my daughter is dead.

It isn't that long ago she was away from me for a month but this is different.

She's still here. Her body is in that glass container. Her mouth not speaking to me but her teeth clacking together as she growled.

I heard someone come down the stairs.

They came up behind me.

"Pewds. Felix. Man you have to come out. I've given you a week. If you want to see her again. To hold her and talk to her. You have to come with me. You have to try. We have to find a cure," I knew Cry was right. We need to fix this but I can't tear my eyes from her.

"Felix!" My face stung and I got up from the ground he had slapped me.

"What the fuck Ryan!" I yelled as I stalked towards the shorter man. He stood his ground as he looked up at me.

"You need to get your shit together man! She didn't want you to sit on your ass and grieve for her she wanted you to go out and find a cure!" He said loudly.

I knew he was right and I think that made me more mad.

His face softened and he grabbed my arm.

"Please. Just come with me. For her," he looked at her before he dragged me away.

I don't think I can go back down to that basement without something to bring her back up with.

I need to find a cure to save her.

"Where did you go?" Holly asked me as I sat beside her. I couldn't help but smile at the little girl.

"Just downstairs," I replied.

"You were down there for a long time," she said.

"I know," was all I could say and I ate some of the food we still could. Perishables that lasted a month. Things like chocolates and biscuts. Probably the last time I'll eat lollies.

"Were leaving tomorrow," cry said in a matter of fact tone. I glared at him because you couldn't exactly tell someone to shut the fuck up in front of a six year old girl.

"Where are you goo-ing," she whined.

"We're going to go look for something to change everyone back to normal," I said.

"Can I come?" She asked excitedly and Carter spoke for the first time in a gravelly voice.

"Hell no," and she hung her head.

I guess it was just me, Cry and Dr Jefferson. He told us to just call him Ted. He wouldn't tell us his full first name. Ted it was.

I finished my plate and kissed Holly on the forehead she giggled.

"Goodnight," I smiled and went upstairs to share Cry's bedroom which had two beds. I couldn't handle her room.

Still had the bag she had picked from the airport.

I went backstairs to get it and brought it back up. I'll take it with me tomorrow.

"Are you okay Felix? Talk to me man," Cry said.

"3 times," was all I could whisper as I sat on my bed. The loss unimaginable.

He looked at me questioningly.

"3 times I lost my family," I said. The first was Marzia and our child. The second was when she went back to the orphanage. The third was now.

He didn't know what to say.

"We will find a cure and get her back. She isn't lost yet," but she feels lost. She feels lost in the way I can't get her back. She's out of reach. I miss her.

"Stop thinking. Just sleep," he said. A lot easier said than done. We would be roof hopping tomorrow so we I should sleep. But every time I closed my eyes she was banging on my eyelids like she did against the glass container.

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