A Deadman's Tale

Going home

Driving home. Finally. The inspiration is back. He is by my side. That piece of shit of a man, always watching and staring. He looks smug. That might have something to do with the fact that he thinks he won this. This drive with my family, it's intoxicating. The pieces are in place. You might ask why this was a perfect moment. It is merely because of the adventure, and I look forward to it. I am just driving with my family enjoying the ride. Our emotions are mixed but united. Our roles have been dealt. Time to have some fun while I still got time. It's fascinating. We are never prepared for what life may bring. We never will be. That is the beauty of it all as I had sat at that desk before. Just once actually. It was before I got accepted into the hospital in the Croatian capital city of Zagreb. Two weeks ago I lied here in this hospital where those people told me that I have a brain tumour and now it's two weeks later. My cancer has been identified. In medical terms, it's in its 2nd or 3rd stage. You would really think that when someone tells you: "You have a brain tumour" that it will cause you to fall deep. To smash against the rock hard ground. That's not the case. Why? I really don't know. I will probably never know. I would love to better detail my feelings right now, but I really cant. It's impossible for me because I see no evil in this. All I know are our moments that keep fortifying the bond between my family, me and the people I meet. The countless lessons I have learned through this disease and am still learning. There is so many of them that I am not even going to think about it because my brain would overload with information. Our emotions. They are so complicated, but they vary from person to person. They are all expressed uniquely, but each one is perceived differently. We can relate to specific emotions, but we will never truly understand one another. That is good. It is excellent because it is what makes emotions so unique and leaves room for the unknown. Would it be special and unique if we could understand it? I think not. So what to do when you have just found out that you have a brain tumour that is cancerous? You go eat. Filling up my stomach is my number one priority. Can't wait to have pasta bolognese. I adored this meal ever since I was young. Sitting down at the table with the red cloth just gazing at the distanced mountains and the river that lays beneath the balcony of the restaurant, I felt perfect. Can't describe it other than that. I don't want to explain it any way other than that. The meal was succulent and delicious, and the salad added zest to it. Really hit the spot. After lunch, we decided to head back home and drink coffee. So we are driving just enjoying ourselves. The radio is playing. The mood is set. At that moment I felt him watching me again. Then in an instant, my spirit collapsed.

"In the meantime, let's talk, " I say to the rugged old man who now sat beside me in the car. I gaze upon him, smile and ask: "We got some time now, how about you tell me what the fuck do you want from me?" I confronted my mental harasser. He didn't provide an answer to my verbal assault. I asked again. Still no reply. Just as I was about to ask him the third time he turned his ugly head, and I could see his sullen, lifeless face. He started laughing. I was used to this by now. This is usually how our conversations would progress. What would usually happen is that we would try to strangle each other, but instead of the usual procedure he looked at me and said: "I want to eat you. No, actually I want you to eat yourself." He mysteriously spoke.

"How about instead of stalking me like a creep you get the fuck out of me." Silence hit the car as he smiled with his usual creepy grin and his devilish red eye sparkled.

"Tell me what my name is and what is my purpose, " He told me in a serious tone that was resounding in an enigmatic sound.

"I couldn't give two shits who the fuck you are. I just know that I am going to break you and when I do I will have the last laugh" I spoke to the Spectre without smiling.

"Why be so vulgar? Are you an animal? Let's have some fun at least while we have each others company and attention. Can't we get along?" He Could barely keep up his pathetic charade. I was impressed though with his eloquence and choice of words.