Mature (book 2)

Chapter 15 - VERY

"What?" I ask again, "I know we are only together for 4 months. But, I feel like" — "no" I stop him.

"What do you mean no?" He asks. "I'm sorry Liam, I can't," I say. "Wait what?" He looks surprised. "I can't move in with you" I say. "Why not?"

"I'm not ready for that" I say. I can't believe he just asked me that, is that how he feels? That we are in such a good place he wants to move in with me? I can't believe that for a week now, I've been texting Shawn and trying to think of ways to break up with him and now this?

"Oh, I just thought because we are 4 months together, and because of how good things are going between us..." he says. "Well no. I can't. I'm sorry" I say. "Oh, yeah maybe in the future, don't worry about it" he says and he touches me hand in a way that makes me feel warm.

What the hell is wrong with me?? I had the perfect opportunity to break up with him. FUCK.

I seriously feel like I'm the worst person ever, I mean, how can I even say that. He just asked me to move in with him. Holly shit.

After dinner, we got back to his place, the whole night was very awkward after I said no. He still looks the same, not hurt by me, I hope he doesn't think there is hope.

"I think I should go home" I say, I know things are awkward now, and I think I should just go home.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "Because, seriously it's fine, i don't want you to feel pressured to move in, I got. You are not ready for that, I can wait, until you feel ready." He says.

"Liam..." that's it, I have to say it now.

"Please don't, just.. you know what maybe you should go home. We'll just talk about it tomorrow" he says.

I agree with him, I go home, I didn't have the nerve to break up with him.

It's Saturday, August 31st.

"Hey, Shawn invited us over for dinner, and I know things are still bad after what happened, last time. But do you want to come?" He asks.

I never asked Lucas why he went straight back to being Shawn's friend again, I know they didn't have a big fight like we did, but still. It was weird.

"Yeah I would love to" I say, it's very awkward between me and Shawn, we are sort of together, we can't tell anyone yet because I'm still with Liam, and I want to tell Lucas about us, as soon as I break up with Liam, that's it. I can't be afraid of Lucas my whole life. I have to confront him. One day.

It's 7 pm. Me and Lucas just arrived over to Shawn's house, I said hi to his parents and to Aaliyah which I haven't seen in forever.

The last person I say hi to, is of course Shawn. "Hi" I say giving him a hug, yes, it's VERY awkward.

"Wow you smell so good" I say as we part. "Thank you" He smiles. "I missed you" he whispers and smiles.

I blush. "Yo man" Lucas comes over and gives Shawn a hug. I move backwards, Lucas just cut me off.

"Hi Lucas" Shawn says awkwardly smiling.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom" I say, it's weird. And I wanted to get away, I didn't really need to go the bathroom.

"Here I'll show you the way" Shawn says, like I don't know the way....

Shawn walks me to the bathroom in his room, very clever. "I don't need to the bathroom you know" I say, "oh really?" He asks getting closer.

I smile as he walks closer and closer, he is biting his lip, I want to kiss him.

He leans in to give me a kiss, but I feel bad. "I can't" I say. "What?" Shawn asks confused,

"Liam asked me to move in with him" I say sitting on the bed, "He what?" Shawn raises his voice.

I look up, I'm looking at him, and I can see his is very jealous, like, VERY.

"Shawn relax. I said no" I stand up. "Wait for real? He asked you to move in with him?" Shawn looks really surprised,

"Yes. But again, I said no. I want you." I say getting a bit closer to him. "Wait so you broke up with him?" His face lit up and he gets closer to me. He is looking me in the eyes and finally kissing me.

I don't stop him this time, I want him to kiss me, it feels so good, him kissing me. It's been awhile.

We start to make out and Shawn is pushing me on the bed slowly taking his shirt off. He walks over to the door to lock it.

"Hey" I heard a voice from the other side of the door. Someone tried to open it, a second after Shawn locked it. Shawn put his shirt back on, and I sit down on the bed, looking at my phone. Trying to act regularly.

Shawn opens the door, I look over to see Lucas standing there, "what's up?" Shawn asks. "Hey, Uh your mom is calling us to come down to eat." He says. "Ok" Shawn says out of breath nodding his head.

"Is everything ok?" Lucas asks looking at me, "yeah" I say, biting my lip. I feel so ashamed.