The Boy in the Gray Hoodie

41...

            "How did we get here?" Lisa asked. "How did you know to take us here?"

            I thought about her question and it didn't take long for me to figure out the answer. It was the picture. The one James had shown me with Lisa standing in front of all that water. She was smiling there, in that place, that time. She was happy. I wanted her to be that way again. Somehow, even when I couldn't think at all, she was still the only thing on my mind. And I was glad. Glad that I could do one last thing for her, before we couldn't be together anymore.

            Because James was right. We couldn't be together. The fact that Pam was lying in my arms with no life in her eyes was proof of that.

            Swallowing hard, I held back the lump of emotion fighting its way up my throat and wiped my face on my arms, trying to get the dried blood off of my skin.

            "We did it, Roy." Lisa crawled in front of me, reaching across my lap to put her hands on my shoulders. "We made it."

            I rolled my head back to look at her, unable to hide the anguish I felt for what I had done. "She didn't," I said, carefully lifting Pam from my lap putting her on the sand in front of us. It would be more comfortable for her that way. I got to my knees and put my arms over my face, holding back as much emotion as I could. "I couldn't save her, or James. I-I hurt them both, it's my fault they are d-dead,"

            "It's not your fault. You never tried to hurt anyone." She told me, but I didn't listen. She had never lied to me before, and I trusted her, but that didn't mean she wasn't wrong.

            I took a deep breath and tasted salt. Lowering my arms, I hugged myself and looked down at Pam again. Her eyes were still open. They were still empty.

            "I don't want her to be gone," I whispered, shaking my head as a tear dripped from my chin. "I didn't get to be her son yet."

            Lisa was quiet for a while. I looked up when I heard her sniff quietly. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and then dug both fists into the sand on the outsides of her legs, which she had folded under her before she sat down. She was looking at Pam and crying, just like me.

            I wanted to say something that would make her feel better, but I had nothing left inside to give. I felt empty and broken and sad.

            "Why are we just sitting here?" Lisa's words were loud, but not as loud as the thundering void at our backs. "Why don't we do something about this?"

            I looked at her. By now my eyes had adjusted to the dim afternoon light and I saw her face quite clearly. She was determined, and her eyes flashed with urgency.

            "What are you talking about?" I asked quietly, shaking my head with little effort put into the movements. "You said she is gone. It's too late to help her."

            "Yeah, but that was before we did what we did. Look at this Roy," she held out her arms. "Look where we are. We're not dead. We...I don't know, teleported ourselves out of a crumbling building to a beach of all places, with Pam. There has got to be a reason for that, right? I mean, if we had really given up on her, we would have left her behind."

            I reached out and covered Pam's hand with mine. She was still warm. "No. She had to come with us. I-I didn't want to leave her—"

            "I know, Roy," Lisa reached out and placed her hand over mind and for a moment, all three of us were holding hands. "I couldn't have left her either. It didn't even cross my mind. But there has to be a reason for that. So far, I've been doing whatever I feel is the right thing to do next. I've been listening to my new intuition all day and right now, that intuition is telling me not to give up."