Depression

Death

    Eventually everyone is going to die. From old age, health, accident, suicide and unexplained. We all know it's going to happen.
      But when it actually happens, when we are faced to except the fact that, that person is no longer here, never going to see them again, hear their voice, feel their touch, them in general. That's when it sinks in.

    The emptiness, the once memories floating away that you forget how they were once looked. Only reminder is a picture and you suddenly remember. Or when your looking over the tombstone and realized they are actually gone gone forever.

   I lost my only mother figure May 7th, 2018. I watched her die in a FaceTime video on my way trying to see her alive one time more.. unfortunately I didn't make it and she died before I can say goodbye. Everyone was there except me.. a chunk of me died that day.
   I will never get it back..

     January 15th, 2013 my brother died on his way to see me. He died immediately from a car rollover crash. Till this day I will forever feel guilty blaming myself it was my fault. It was.. if I didn't tell him, if I didn't insist for him to come see me he could still be here. I would've still had my protector..
   Another chunk of me died that day.. it will never come back to me. I was/am never the same..

     Death comes creeping suddenly and striking fast when you don't see it coming. It's those that hurt the most , that kill you, that leave a mark on you that you can never recover from. That you'd wish you'd want to die too..

I really want to die .. I want to join you..
I miss you deeply. I need you horribly.