Ripper: An Indoraptor Story ✓

Falling Apart

A few days had passed before my injuries finally healed.

Well, most of them.

The squelching flesh on my flank retained its damaged appearance, oozing thick molten blood whenever it felt free to do so. Oftentimes I felt as if it did it on purpose, to confuse or otherwise scare me, yet I never felt bothered. Blood was common to me, just as meat and water were, so I no longer cared - even if it did dribble out my own skin. 

Overall, my health didn't steer into the cold darkness that my mind had foretold. Along with the aches and pains of my ruptured joints, those coughs and wheezes began to wither away, as did the rotten illnesses that corrupted my soul. When the humans didn't tend to my wounds, I'd aided myself, growling painfully as the rough edges of my tongue washed over the black holes of my side.

But throughout this slow process, the pain made me think of things. Things I, quite frankly, never though I'd consider.

My mind was ruled with the ideas to kill, hunt, slaughter and destroy. Every obstacle faced was gifted with a supportive solution, every consideration was cycled in a river of endless possibilities. And every sense I held, both pure and true, was obliged to serve it. All in all it was instinct because it defined who I was and what I was born to do, no matter if I was sold or used. No other creature could do that, and no other human. And, in truth, it made me believe that I was invincible, and -- of course -- with the slightest mindset of an unbreakable soul, I used this 'power' for... personal intentions.

But after these past few days escaping humans, scrapping carcasses, trekking across a vast desert, fighting predators, and witnessing the death of an ally, I didn't think of myself as good, evil, or indestructible, but simply lost.

After all those days the past suddenly seemed like a horrible nightmare more so than a valuable memory, let alone a priceless lesson. All those unnecessary deaths, all this pain...

It tortured me to the bones to realize it meant nothing.

It's strange to see you feel this way, my mind muttered coldly, suddenly breaking me out of my train of thought. You seem upset...

I feel angry, I thought back, eyes glowing coldly as they scoured the shed. I-I don't know why though. It scares me... in some strange way.

Out of the darkness, my own despicable mind laughed menacingly, amused at my emotional response, An immortal indoraptor fearing his past life? How pitiful. What cowardice are you hiding inside yourself, dear friend?

You don't know what it's like, I snarled back, slapping my tail on the ground. You're just in my head, while I carry you around like a broken mare. You're not living my life for me. You're only telling me what to do-

For a greater purpose of course! my mind hissed back quickly. I'm saving your hide by having you listen to me. Ripper, we're not designed to help those puny mammals, let them fall under the weight of their weakness, for we're bound to survive! Let go of this foul innocence you seek and kill for a greater purpose!

Kill? How does killing serve any purpose in solving a thing! And they've done nothing to harm me!

You speak of killing as if it's your worst enemy, my mind hissed. Why? Is it not in your blood? Do your instincts deceive you? Has faith finally turned against you?

My own faith has nothing to do with my choices, I growled louder. But I won't let the darkness of my past take hold of my future. Not after what happened that night.

Your past is the reason you're still alive, my mind growled back. That lust to kill, the thirst to survive, it's your birthright!

I don't want to just survive! I screeched loudly, thrashing my tail, I just wanted to live! And that's all I want now! I escaped death to follow a life I never had, and you think I should waste it to murder and slay hundreds of them for revenge?!