The Fear She Couldn't Face

Chapter 11

Ana’s P.O.V.

For the longest time, I just sat on the ground and cried. Not believing that I had done something like this. So many innocent people killed because of me and the other mindless initiates.

I thought I was damaged before, now I knew for sure.

This was going to haunt me until the day I died.

I look around, not seeing Tobias, or Eric. Where were they? Were they okay?

Finally managing to get to my feet, I decide to go back to the compound. Not only to look for them, but so that I could wash the blood off myself. I wish I could wash what I had done down the drain as well. If only it were that simple.

The dorms were on the fifth floor, and I was exhausted, so I decided to take the elevator.

I walk in my dorm, locking my door behind me.

I strip my bloody clothes off and throw them in the trash. I didn’t want to remember why the stains were there.

Getting some clean clothes, I walk into my bathroom and turn on the shower, letting the hot water run down my back, the water red as it goes down the drain.

I make sure I had washed all the blood off before I washed my hair, not wanting to get more in my hair than there already was.

Though I could no longer see the red that once stained my skin, and I no longer had the metallic smell of blood lingering on me. I could still feel it. All over me. It may take forever for the feeling to go away, it may even follow me to the grave.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

As I look in the mirror over my sink, I no longer see the girl I used to know. The one who loved her job as a trainer and enjoyed every second of it. The one who only saw murder as a last resort of defense.

Now, all of that meant nothing. The old me scattered into the breeze.

I get dressed and comb out my hair, bits of dried blood still clinging to the strands.

A few fresh tears run down my cheeks, and I quickly wipe them away as to not mess up the make-up I had just put on.

I lace up my boots before walking out the door, to find my former best friend and my boyfriend. Where could they be?

Walking to their rooms, the obvious places to look. But they were both empty, with beds unmade. Other than that, they looked normal, everything else untouched.

But I knew they had to be in the building somewhere. Anywhere.

I hear shouts coming from the upper floors, a strong male voice I would know anywhere. Tobias.

I run up the stairs two at a time until I reached the floor his voice was coming from.

“Tobias!” I yell down the hall. Not caring who heard.

“Tobia-” My mouth is covered and I am pulled into someone.

“Ana!” Tobias’ voice yells back, his eyes meet mine and then looks behind me, at the person holding me back. His eyes grow wide in realization to who it is.

I feel a gun barrel against the back of my head. “If you give her to me, I’ll let you go.” Seth says.

“Who?”

“Tris.”

“Why do you want her so bad?”

“Jeanine wants her, she’s a Divergent. And he’ll have to come with me to.” He says, referring to Tobias.