The Fear She Couldn't Face

Chapter 4

“Ana! Ana! Wake up!” Eric shouts, shaking me from side to side.

I wake up in a cold sweat, my cheeks tear stained. My eyes immediately look up and our eyes meet before I sit up against the headboard, wiping the sweat droplets from my forehead.

”Are you okay Ana? I heard you screaming from my room. What was the nightmare about this time? Was it the same as last time?” He says, taking my hand.

I nod my head. “Oh no. Not this again. I thought you were over that? Did your fight with him bring these on again?” He asks.

”It’s none of your concern Eric. I can deal with this myself.” I tell him, getting back under the blanket, pulling them over my head.

”Ana. Don’t be like this, I can help you. Stop it.”

I ignore him, it was always my way to get over things. To block people out, that’s how I solved all of my problems.

He pats my legs underneath the blankets, sighs and walks off, quietly closing the door.

The rest of the night is sleepless, not being able to close my eyes for a second without seeing him. Four standing in front of me, his face as clear as day.

I get out of bed, my clock saying 7:36am. I dress in my usual. Black jeans and t-shirt, but I lace up my sneakers instead of my boots today. Tying my hair back in an elastic, not bothering with make-up. Not feeling up to putting it on today.

I go into the cafeteria, it would be another half an hour before anyone would be in there. Taking a muffin from the basket left from yesterday and sitting down on a table on the other side of the room, in the shadows. Not wanting anyone to see me.

My silence was soon interrupted by a loud group of initiates coming in for breakfast. I leaned back, further into the shadows. I see Eric walk in, our eyes meet and then he walks with the rest of the group towards the line for breakfast. Four walks in behind him, he looks up for a moment and our eyes meet as well. His eyes show regret, that he truly was sorry for what happened last year. I could tell.

Once he and the rest of the initiates had settled in. Most were engaged in loud conversation, laughing.

Tris had sat next to where Four sat alone, in the corner table. Where nobody ever sat. She had her arm around his waist and her head was leaning against his shoulder. A small smile coming across his face in the presence of her.

After initiation, I tried to forgive and forget what had happened. And it worked for a while. Until yesterday. The fear sparked up again.

It was beginning to become hot and stuffy where I was, all the people in the room making it hard to breath. I get up out of my seat and run out to go back to my apartment. Where it was quiet.

When I get inside, I change from the t-shirt, to a tank top of the same color. And sat in the corner for as long as I could before I heard a knock on my door.

”Ana! Are you okay?” I was a familiar voice. An initiate. Tris.

”What do you want?”

”Four told me to come get you for training, are you okay?”

I sniff away my tears and get up out of the floor. Walking over to the door, being greeted by the short girl, a weary smile on her face.

”Yeah, I’m fine. Never better. Let’s go Stiff.” I walk ahead of her and towards the Pit.

Peter walks up to me when I enter the Pit. “What was that during breakfast? Why’d you just run away like that?”

”None of your business. Let’s get to training.”