Covenant (A Lapidot Fanfiction)

Chapter 23: Reassurance

"Why not?" Lapis asked, her voice becoming quiet.

"...can we discuss this outside?" I asked.

Lapis nodded. "If you'd like," she answered.

Lapis's face contorted when I squeezed her hand a little too tightly. I clearly was showing that I wasn't content. I was upset. I was terrified. I was almost angry. What could I possibly be angry at? That's when it hit me. I was angry at myself for inflicting this upon Lapis. It was my fault she was pregnant in the first place. That there was this possibility at all.

Even the warm touch of the bright sand didn't calm me. For some reason, I despised the grains getting caught between my toes. I despised the sun. I wanted it to be cold and stormy. I wanted to hear the wind blowing against the house, making the sounds of every scream I wanted let out seem silent.

It was only when I looked down at Lapis that I became refocused. She was staring up at me, waiting with a worried expression. She looked much better than I did. Her cheeks were flushed with their usual pink, and her eyes matched the ocean again. She felt like her usual cool temperature. Sleep really helped her.

"You said we'd discuss this out here," she said in a sweet voice.

"I did say that, didn't I?" I asked.

Lapis nodded. "You did," she answered. "Please tell me why."

Her eyes were pleading. I couldn't say no. Not to a face like that.

"...what am I?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Lapis asked back.

"Tell me what I am," I growled, probably sounding a little too aggressive.

"You're a werewolf," Lapis answered. "Why are you asking me?"

"What am I supposed to be?" I asked.

"Peridot, please don't do this to me!" Lapis cried. "Just get to the point!" Her expression softened, and she was panting quietly. "Please...I'm so worried about you."

"Precisely how I feel about you," I replied. "...I'm supposed to be strong and fast. A werewolf. The werewolf everyone knows from fairy tales and movies, but...I feel scared. I feel...vulnerable. I don't feel that a lot, Lapis."

"It's normal to feel scared," Lapis said quietly, pulling my hand toward her face. "You don't need to be embarrassed about it. I feel scared sometimes too."

"I know you do," I responded. "But I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to have everything under control."

"Peridot, listen to me," Lapis said. "That's impossible. You can't have everything under your control like that." She traced my knuckles with her thumb and stared at my hand with a curious expression. Strange, but cute human behavior. "Werewolf or not. That's impossible."

"I'm not used to feeling this way," I replied weakly.

"It's okay to feel that way," Lapis said. "I've felt vulnerable for five months now. It's different, being pregnant. I have to change my habits and take better care of myself. I feel like I'm sick all the time, but I never actually am. I'm always needing extra care that I never needed before." She smiled her beautiful, precious smile. "I'm really glad I married someone like you. You never cease to take that extra care of me."

"Of course not," I replied. "I feel like I need to take even more care of you now than I did before, though. And I don't mean before your pregnancy. I mean before this very moment."

Lapis met my gaze, and her expression softened even more. Pity. Pity surrounded her ocean eyes.

"You really are worried," she said under her breath.