He turns to me and stays silent. I watch him get up, slip on his boxers and a t-shirt. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath and for a moment I think I just make the biggest mistake.
He sits back down next to me and pats his lap for me to come closer to him. I wrap myself up in the blanket and rest on his lap.
"I was 5yrs old when I saw her last.
I was playing with my trucks on the dining room floor when I heard my mother yell.
I ran upstairs and she was on floor, her head bleeding and tears pouring from her eyes. I ran and kneeled by her side. She grabbed my face. "TaeTae, do mommy a favor...go daydream with our ladies...go on..do as mommy says.
I started to cry, I didnt want to leave her but I heard my father coming up the stairs and he yelled my name. "TAEYHUNG" I still remember how he looked at me.
He had a belt in his hand.
Then she told me again.
"Go TaeTae, daydream with our ladies. And remember whatever happens, I will always love you no matter what. Don't ever forget that."
I held on to her crying, begging her not to make me go. "Go TaeTae..you have to, do as I say"
So I went down to the sun room where me and my mother used to read together and she would keep a set of these beautiful ceramic figurines lined up alone the edge of the window sill of all sorts of women dressed in different costumes.
We would look at them and imagine what they were thinking by their expression on their faces. We called it daydreaming.
I stayed by those figurines until it night time. I woke up to my father waking me, telling me I was going to Halmoni for a few days. He was so cold.
I asked for my mother and he said she left and wasn't coming for me. She didnt want a family anymore. She didn't want ME anymore. He told me to not bring it up again and that she wasn't coming back..ever..and she didn't. Not once.
How could I not bring it up again? I was just supposed to leave it be that she left? I had such a hard time with it. I would cry at night and my father would come into my room and yell at me and call me a sissy saying only girls cried. He told me I was to get over it and that my mother was no good. She was using us for our Kim name and our money. I was better off without her, But I wasn't. I needed her. I wanted her. And she was gone..
He looked at me...
A tear rolled down his face, and then another.
I quickly sat up and grabbed him and pulled him close to me.
My heart broke for him. I was at a loss for words, how could I comfort him. His cries were now sobs.
"I'm so sorry Taehyung" I whispered. I rubbed his hair holding him so close, rocking him back and forth.
He looks at me and holds my face. His brown eyes still filled with tears.
"I never told any woman this"
I didnt know how to respond, do I thank him?
"I know that had to have been hard for you, I appreciate you being honest with me and I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that pain"
He pulls my face to his and kisses me.
"I'm glad you came" he says
"I am too"
We get dressed and pack up the things and get ready to leave.
"Wait there's one more thing."
He puts on a song and holds out his hand to me. "Dance with me"
(Listen to ED SHEERAN'S "PERFECT")
