I get out of the truck and watch as Ellie heads towards her mom's grave. I let her do her own thing and decide to go visit my mom to share the news of the baby. I smile down at her tombstone and sigh, "Hey Ma." I look at the large number of bouquets around her grave and a small grin appears on my face, "I hope you're doing alright. I'm here with Ellie, I brought her to see Donna. I uh, I wanted to tell you something, and I hope you're as happy and excited as Dad was." I touch the stone and feel her beside me, "I'm having a baby with Ope. I'm only a few weeks, and I won't be able to have an ultrasound for another seven weeks or so, but we're excited. I'm moving in with him soon and we're looking at houses for the kids and baby."
I chuckle, shaking my head, "I wouldn't have thought that this would be my life, but here I am. I also met your friend Dr. Lynn, she's looking after me during my pregnancy and she brought you up today. She was really nice, and seemed to really miss you, like we all do." I admit, "I wish you were still here, but Ope and Dad keep telling me that you're still around, and never actually left. If Kenny and Ellie are okay, then I can be too, right? I have to lead by example now with kids in my life."
"I thought I would hate them because of Donna, but if anything, I've grown closer than ever. I love them so much, and I feel like they're my own kids. Kenny called me Ma today and it was the weirdest, but most heart-warming experience I've ever had. He got suspended the last week of school for fighting some asshole kid who was heckling him and Ellie about their mom and ex step-mom who's a pornstar. Ope has good taste, doesn't he?" I laugh to her and I feel a breeze play with my hair, knowing its her, I smile.
I sigh once more, "I wish you were here to give me some sort of advice because I'm scared shitless. What if I mess this mom thing up and suck at it? Or my kid's first word is fuck, or they don't learn to talk at all? Am I rushing things? Should I move in with Opie so soon?" I shake my head, knowing I'm overthinking. "I know, I'm being crazy and giving it way too much thought. Thanks Ma." I look over to Ellie and notice that she's crying. "I'm going to check on Ellie. I love and miss you so much." I tell her, leaning down and kissing the stone once more before walking over to the sobbing teenager.
I clear my throat, "You alright, Ellie?" I ask her, noticing how upset she is. "What's going on?"
Ellie looks back at me, tears flowing down her cheeks. "I just miss her so much, I wish she was still here. Why did my mom have to taken away from me? Why her? There's so many people who deserved it more than she did and now she's gone forever." She cries to me. I sigh and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms and holding her as she cries. "I just want my mom." She wraps her arms around me and holds onto me as she continues to sob.
"Sh, it's going to be okay, babe." I tell her, rocking her gently in my arms. "It's hard, and it's not going to get easier, but it'll be alright. We're here for you, and we love you." Ellie continues to cry in my arms and a tear escapes from my eye, "I get it, Ellie, I really do." I tell her, "I understand how shit this is, and how badly you want her with you, but she's here, I promise. She's beside you and with you through everything. She's never going to leave you alone, and you're never going to struggle by yourself. We're here for you- your dad, Kenny, my dad, the baby, the club, and myself included. We won't let you deal with this alone." Ellie tightens her grip on me and I feel myself get emotional as the young girl continues to express her heartache. I kiss the top of her head, Ellie being a couple of inches shorter than me. "Deep breaths, love, deep breaths."
"You're the best step-mom. I don't want anyone else in her place but you." Ellie admits to me, "And I feel so guilty for liking you as much as I do, and wanting to call you mom, but you're like that for me. No one has cared for us the way you do, and I don't want my mom to hate me or be angry."
