A magical love affair - Severus Snape x Petunia Evans

Chapter 16 - Affectionate touches

Severus' Home, Spinner's End, Cokeworth, July 1978

Petunia loved that Severus clutched her hand so tightly. She loved to feel his long, thin fingers gently caressing her pale hand, his slightly rough skin touching her soft skin and his body warmth sending shivers through her body. She realized that her feelings weren't the ordinary emotions one felt while holding hands with one close friend. No, foremost they were a sign of her growing crush on Severus. Sure, Petunia was due to her inferiority complex of Lily, her feelings of being unloved and her abusive relationship with Vernon a love- and touch-starved young woman who wanted to feel the comforting embrace of a parent, the playful nudge of her sister, the reassuring squeezes of a close friend and the gentle touches of a boyfriend. Therefore, it was no surprise that she basked in the gentle caresses of Severus. Especially since she knew that he wasn't a touchy-feely person in general and normally flinched away from comforting hugs and squeezing hands due to the beatings Tobias inflicted upon him and the bullying the Marauders subjected him to. So, Severus normally guarded his emotions behind a stony face, refrained from exchanging affections in public and awkwardly comforted his crying childhood best friend.

Petunia knew this thanks to her spying actions in the past. She had silently followed Lily and Severus on warm summer days to the park and listened in on their intimate talks about magic, Hogwarts and their daily issues hidden behind a nearby rosebush. There, she had crouched on the dirty playground earth, made herself as little as possible and eavesdropped with escalating emotions of anger, jealousy, and envy on their conversations. She had observed that Severus flinched away at first, whenever Lily had hugged him. With time, he had accepted her hugs eagerly and even hugged her back tightly, a content smile gracing his lips and his dark eyes sparkling out of luck. But Lily had limited her hugs the older they got and before their friendship had crumbled down, she refrained from touching him for any longer time.

Petunia suspected, that she had noticed his crush on or undying love for her, didn't reciprocate his feelings and wanted to put some distance between them. Sure, she could have easily talked to him about the fact that their relationship would always stay in the friend zone because she simply wasn't attracted to him. But Petunia knew that Lily secretly basked in the attention of Severus and was flattered by his crush, so that she didn't want to reject him head-on. Therefore, she let him live in the illusion that they could be more than friends if he only gave up his studies in the Dark Arts and stopped his fights with the Marauders. Most likely, she thought that it was the right thing to do because she would otherwise break his heart and endanger their friendship.

But what she hadn't taken into her account was that she would only play with his feelings, boost his hopes for a happy romance and tear out his embittered heart in the end. During her spying adventures, Petunia had noticed furthermore hat Severus comforted Lily with an awkward pad on the back or an uncomfortable half-hug, whenever she cried about her awful, magic-hating sister or the pure-blooded racists in Hogwarts. His cheeks had been flushed red out of embarrassment, his obsidian eyes had looked helplessly around the park and his face had been drawn into a miserable grimace. It was evident that he had never learned how to comfort anyone and that he felt socially awkward. But he had screwed up his courage and disregarded his uncomfortable feelings to be there for Lily. Luckily for Petunia, it seemed like Severus needed to feel her comfort and exchange touches during his grieving and maturing process. So Petunia vowed to let her heart and instincts decide how she wanted to handle her new attraction to him. If he was open for some romance, she would most likely go for it.

Blushing slightly, Petunia cleared her mind and focused on her environment. She knew that her reaction to the undoubtedly disturbing and shocking things she was going to see inside the house was vital in developing a close bond with Severus. She needed to school her features and couldn't show him any everlasting expressions of pity or horror because he would most likely take it as an insult or pity party. Sure, she didn't want to disguise her reactions because she wanted to be open and real with him. But she would nonetheless be aware of her facial expressions because if their roles were reversed, she didn't want to be overwhelmed with pity or disgust. Besides that, Petunia could comprehend that Severus felt ashamed of his loveless, impoverished upbringing and run-down housing situation so that he would certainly get her overly emotional reaction wrong. Thence, she reminded herself that Severus couldn't change his living situation until now and that it was of utmost importance that she signaled him with her reactions to not judge him, see him in another light or shame him for his miserable home life. She would support him, be there for him and fix his house with him together without ever changing her opinion about him.