Zeal

VI.

noun

1. something that surprises someone; a completely unexpected occurrence,

appearance, or statement.

"surprise". Dictionary.com Unabridged. Random House, Inc. 04 Jan. 2018.

I don't blame him or anyone anymore. We just don't talk about it. We avoid all the Isabella thing and the lies he said. I want to think I would be able to trust him again, hopefully someday in the future. I want to be sure he's still the love of my life or something as cheesy as that. I want to believe our plans are the same and that they haven't destroyed us yet. I really want to believe that even when I know that I'm probably lying at myself.

I wanted him to make me happy as we used to be. Just like when we first met. Happy with the idea of just seeing each other. Happy with spending time on a couch or studying for finals together even when our majors weren't related. He made me happy and I could see I made him happy too. I want to see his smile all over the place again. I want to hear him saying I love you without me asking him.

¨

Felix was in the kitchen staring at his cell phone with an empty look in his eyes. He was probably thinking about something he wouldn't be thinking about if he were close to me. Something that can make his face change in a way that can awake the fears I still have somewhere. Trying not to hide the screen but doing it anyway.

The house felt cold but neither of us did something about that. I like the cold and he likes to think he's helping the planet by not using electricity to keep us warm.

"Are you going to finish your breakfast?" He said looking at my hash browns with that lusty look he only has for food.

"I can't eat anything else," I said and the lump in my throat grew with every word. "I need to show you something."

I slipped the envelope and waited there. Just there.