I'm hoping that God looks away this time (ptv fanfic)

6. This could meet everything... or nothing at all

Louisiana's POV

It was now or never, stood by the big double doors i freeze unable to move from the spot i'm in, Anthony stood at my side oblivious to what happened during the concert. I look up at the boy in front of me, i wish i could just open up to him and tell him what really drove me to self harm all he knows is that i was really down with all the bullying at school and that it drove me to cutting... well he was half right but i know deep down if he knew the main reason he would kill my Dad for what state he has left me in, snapping out of my sad daydream i take a few steps forward closely followed by my big brother of course.

Stepping through the doors we meet the line, it isn't long but for someone like me who hates waiting at the best of times let alone when it is to meet the people who have kept me breathing for as long as i have been.

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We grow agonizingly close to the four men at at the table just feet away from me, a worried smile painted across my pale face. I glance at the man who stood before me merely hours ago only to find is eyes land on mine moments later, his features contort in to a facial expression i really wasn't expecting to receive relief, the expression washes across his face as he looks over my body not in a weird way in a almost examining way almost looking for any signs of something more than likely scars and cuts but all the traces have been hidden away from my fellow fans at least until i get to the band then this jacket is coming off and my scars are going on show not for attention but to prove to myself that i'm not going to be judged by everyone in my life, at least i hope they wont judge me for what i've done to myself. Slowly i walk closer to the one group of people that have kept me going even when it got its worst, only one more person to go until i face them, my heart begins to beat faster and faster as the person in front of me steps away from the band. My through becomes dry with nervousness and anticipation as i slowly slip my jacket off handing it to a confused looking brother who stands next to me. A reassuring smile displays itself across the faces of the men in front of me, keeping my arm down by my side i slowly walk over to the band trying to hide the blush that's creeping across my normally pale face. After what seems like an eternity i reach them only to find myself being engulfed in a warm hug from the one and only Vic himself, the hug itself brings tears to my eyes i try my best to hold them back but the words that come out of his mouth next are surely enough to make any one who has been a fan for so long crying like i am now.

"hey darling no need to be so scared we wont bite promise" He spoke quietly a small smile present on his lips. I release myself from his embrace smiling at him before bringing myself to speak bringing a shaky breath in i swallow my fear and speak a simple sentence i have been dying to say for a long time "Thank you for making the music you do, without you guys i don't now where i would be today" Slowly the tears flow down my cheeks causing me to bite my lip and let a small smile become present. Next the spiky haired guitarist looks down at me a wide smile across his face as he takes me in his embrace "Hey darlin' wipe those you're eyes your to pretty to be sad" Quietly he whispers into my ear, out of a simple reflex i shake my head disagreeing with him causing him and the others to frown in confusion. "I'm sorry but that's just not true how can someone with such a broken body be pretty at all? If i was pretty then i wouldn't be bullied at school and i wouldn't hate the way i look i know you might feel the need to tell me that I'm pretty but i can see the true person behind the walls" The words come out with a load more confidence than i thought i would my eyes never leaving the floor a way to show just how anxious i was about this whole situation. The slit second that follows is a horrible one as i let my eyes leave the floor and meet the tall quiet guitarist in front of me's eyes they only show one emotion that i can read the one emotion i ate the most to see conveyed towards myself sympathy god how i hate that emotion to be shown towards myself it may be a genuine emotion but i hate it what i have done to have that emotion shown towards me is nothing worthy of sympathy what i have done to myself is my own infliction of pain a way to cope with the stuff i have been put through over the years. He brings me into a tight hug having to bend down slightly due to my shortness of course he whispers a short sentence in my ear causing me to stand still shocked out of my mind i know he meets a lot of fans so i never in a million years thought he would have remembered be out of all of the fans there "I meant what i said earlier please don't take it out on yourself never feel alone enough to do that i am always here for my fans." He looks down at me a smiles his famous shy smile i have secretly crushed over for years. Taking something out of his back pocket he takes my hand and places the small object in my hand closing my fingers around the object before saying "Even if it isn't in person i am." And with that a bright smile makes an appearance on my lips when i notice what he has placed in my hand a guitar pick with a small turtle on it just like the one he used at the show tonight.

Meeting Mike seemed to go in a blur the smile never leaving my lips while we spoke briefly. I look up at the men stood in front of me before turning around as my brother takes a picture of me and my hero's together.

Not much was spoken on the ride home, most of the ride consisted of my music blasting through my headphone and my mind replaying the events that occurred in the last couple of hours the guitar pick never left my hand for most of the journey only until i could feel myself drifting off to sleep scared of loosing the object i slip it into my back pocket of my jeans not noticing the other object that had been put in there, turning over slightly and resting my head on the car window before falling asleep to fire by sleeping with sirens playing through my head phones

hewwo people who are bothering to read this

thank you whoever you are you beautiful person :) i hope you guys actually like this because otherwise I'm just writing a shitty book that no-one likes.

i will try and update as frequently as possible but i go back to school on Thursday and i am going into my final year which means exams and meh it could mean my updates are a bit random and less frequent but i will try and update when I'm not stressing over school work

love u guys

ciara xx