#PTG41 Chapter 41
"W-What?"
I stared at him, waiting for him to take back what he said. But seconds started to pass... and he was just looking at me. Nagsimulang manikip ang dibdib ko. Mabilis akong tumayo, at marahang hinampas ito. Agad akong napa-pikit... I knew it... I knew that this... This was too easy... This wasn't my life. My life had never been this easy...
"Katherine—"
"What... What do you mean? I... I was the target?" I asked, but he only stared at me. Tumayo siya. Lumapit sa akin. He was looking at me with that expression on his face... I wanted to tell him to stop... I didn't need his pity... I didn't need that. Sobra na. Sobra-sobra na ang awa na nararamdaman ko para sa sarili ko.
What I needed was for people to be normal.
To be back to my normal life.
If that was even possible.
Jax looked at me, and nodded. "Yes... You were the one who was supposed to die that night."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Nagsimulang umikot ang kapaligiran ko. Ang dami kong gustong itanong. Ang dami kong gustong malaman. Pero walang salita ang gustong lumabas mula sa bibig ko... Para akong tanga na naka-tulos sa kinatatayuan ko.
"If... If I was the target... Who wanted me dead?"
There was a pause. And I could hear my heart beating so loudly. Nanatili akong naka-tingin sa kanya, hinihintay ang susunod na salitang lalabas sa bibig niya. Gusto kong malaman. Sino ang gustong pumatay sa akin? I couldn't think of anyone who hated me enough to want me to die...
Even Kier's family... Did they hate me enough to purposely try to kill me? Pero bakit? Ano ang makukuha nila? They were the one who asked me to sign a pre-nup. Kahit mamatay ako... Kahit ilang ulit nila akong patayin... Wala silang makukuha mula sa akin. The same way I would get nothing from Kier...
"Can you sit down first?"
Umiling ako. "No. Tell me. Who wanted me dead, Jax? I want to know. I need to know."
Gusto kong malaman kung sino ang dahilan kaya naging ganito kasakit ang takbo ng buhay ko. Kung sino ang dahilan kung bakit... bakit nangyari sa akin lahat ng 'to. I thought I could brave all the trials I would face this lifetime... but staying in prison? That broke me. I knew... I knew deep inside me that I would never be the same. Not again. Not after everything that I had gone through inside that hell.
I stared at his eyes. He didn't want to tell me. But what was the use of shielding me? I was already hurt. Broken. I didn't think there was anything lower that I could sink into.
Sagad na.
Sobra na.
"I don't know the whole story—"
"Just give me the name!"
"Priscilla Sy, your father's other wife."
Parang... parang tumigil iyong mundo ko sa pag-ikot. Mabilis akong napaupo sa sahig. She... She was the one who wanted me dead? Bakit? Dahil sa pera? Dahil lang sa pera gugustuhin niya akong patayin?
Mabilis na sumikip ang dibdib ko. I couldn't reconcile with the fact that the woman my father chose over me... The woman who claimed to love my father... Pero ako na sariling dugo ng lalaking mahal niya, gusto niyang patayin?
"Katherine..." Jax said, holding me by my arms because my knees would give out at any minute. "It's over. She's already in custody. No one will hurt you..." paulit-ulit na bulong niya sa akin, pero hindi sapat iyon para mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Family... I never thought my own family would be the one who'd wish for my death...
* * *
Jax told me that it wasn't a good idea... but I wanted to be here. I wanted to look her in the face. I wanted to hear it from her mouth. Paano niya nagawa sa 'kin 'to? I had been nothing but nice to her! And to her kids! Kahit ramdam na ramdam ko na hindi nila ako gusto, nagtiis ako! Kasi mahal sila ni Papa! Tapos ito 'yung gagawin nila sa 'kin?!
"You sure you want to do this?" he asked as we made our way to the room where the cross-examination would be held. Naka-sunod sa amin sina Nico at Kellan. But even with their presence, I still didn't feel at ease... It felt like I now carry a permanent boulder on my shoulders. Nakaka-sakal. Ang bigat sa loob.
But... this was my life now. I now carry with me all the shits people made me go through... All those horrible memories that I was fighting so hard to forget... But I kept on remembering them. In my head. In my dreams. There was no escaping them.
I didn't answer Jax. I wanted to be here. I wanted to hear why...
Bago pa man ako maka-pasok sa loob ay agad akong natigilan.
"Ate..."
I looked at her. God... she looked so much like my father...
"Ate... Tulungan mo naman si Mama..." Charlotte cried. She reached for my hand. Agad ko iyong kinuha. Bigla akong kinabahan. Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mata ni Jax. "Ate... Paano kami ni Clarissa? Wala na si Papa... Pati si Mama..."
I continued to stare at her. She was crying, begging... But I couldn't feel anything. Not for her. Not for myself.
"Ate..." she continued to call for me, but I didn't move. Not once... Not once did she talk to me... Ilang beses kaming nagkita. Ilang beses ko siyang sinubukan kausapin. Kasi 'di ba pamilya kami? Kahit na hindi kami pareho ng ina, kapatid ko siya... Pero hindi niya ako kinausap. Kahit minsan.
Tapos ngayon...
Why do they only want me when I'm useful?
Hindi ba ako tao?
"Did you know?" I asked, staring right into her eyes. I couldn't even finish my sentence... but I knew that she knew what I meant... And that fear in her eyes... It was enough for me to know.
"Ate... Hindi sinasadya ni Mama..."
Nanginginig ang buong pagkatao ko. Gustung-gusto kong magalit. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong saktan siya. Pero hindi ko magawa. Kasi pagod na ako. Wala na silang tinira sa akin.
"Nico," I called. "Please get her away from me."
"Ate..." tawag niya. Sinubukan niya akong hawakan, pero mabilis kong nailayo ang kamay ko sa kanya. "Ate, paano kami ni Clarissa? Paano kapag nakulong si Mama?"
I stared at her. I couldn't feel an ounce of pity as I watched tears abundantly escape from her eyes. I had seen too much tears... shed too much tears... It didn't affect me anymore.
"Get her away," I said as I tried to continue, but Jax held my hand. Agad kong kinuha ang kamay ko. I didn't like being touched without my consent. It sends shiver across my system. It sends fear straight into my mind.
"What is this?" tanong niya habang hawak ang kamay ko. Pilit kong kinukuha iyon mula sa kanya, pero ayaw niyang bitiwan. Habang lalo akong nagpupumiglas, mas lalong humihigpit ang hawak niya.
"Jax—"
"Katherine, what is this?" he repeated his question as he adjusted my watch. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang makita niya ang mga marka doon. Kitang-kita ko ang mabilis na pagtutubig ng mga mata niya habang tinititigan niya ang bawat guhit doon.
