Exiled (AmBw)

Chapters 17

Naoto: "How so?" he questioned.

Layla: "Well, for example, you know you're Japanese, right?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Naoto: "Yes." he said.

Layla: "Yeah, well, for the first few years of my life, so did I." I said plainly.

Naoto's expression shifted from contemplative to confused as he drove.

Layla: "Exactly. The confusion you're feeling right now is all I felt growing up." I said, looking over at him. "My parents adopted as a newborn. When I was younger, I knew I looked different from my parents, but there was a disconnect when it came to my understanding that they were Japanese, and I wasn't." I said, laying my head back on the headrest. "All I knew was my parents. I grew up around their language, their music, their culture, so imagine how much of an outcast I was in kindergarten and onwards. A little lost black girl, thinking she was Japanese." I said hurt, remembering all the harsh things people said to me in my childhood. "I knew my parents tried their hardest to make sure I knew I was just like them regardless of my complexion. For the most part and they did a great job, it was just everyone else who always made sure I felt alienated," I said, remembering how unpleasant family gatherings were. "In school, when I tried hanging around Asian kids, they always looked at me like I was confused." I bitterly chuckled. "White kids never hung around long enough for me to stick out like a sore thumb, and when it came to black kids, apparently I wasn't 'black' enough to be considered black," I said, holding up air quotes. "So, all in all, I was screwed from the get-go," I said, saddened by what I was saying. You know what's the most messed up part of this story. The only place where I felt like I belonged and felt wanted was with my parents, and now they're gone." I said, letting my last word settle in my chest. "So when I say I don't know who I am, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I'm kind of lost, and I don't even know where to start looking." I said, finishing off my dialogue with a deep breath.

The mood in the car was solemn.

Layla: "Woah, what was that? Talk about a mood killer, right?" I joked, trying to change the atmosphere. "You better be careful about what you ask for next time, Naoto," I said, turning to him with a manufactured smile.

The car was stationary as he looked at me while I tried to console myself.

Naoto: "Don't do that." he put his hand on my cheek.

Layla: "Do what"? I whispered.

Naoto: "Mask your pain with humour." he said, wiping away a tear that I hadn't realized I'd shed.

The words he said resounded throughout me. He said it like he had known me for years. His words hit a chord, making the tears stream down my face. He leaned over, getting me some tissues from the glove compartment.

Layla: "Thank you." I said, taking the tissues. "I usually don't cry in front of strangers, I swear," I said, dabbing away my tears.

Naoto: "Don't worry, I'm not exactly a stranger anymore. He said, looking at me. "After all, you did steal my kiss, remember?" he smirked.

I slightly chuckled to myself, feeling some relief.

Naoto: "Thank you for sharing that with me." he said sincerely. "You don't deserve to feel lost. I know you'll find yourself soon. Sometimes all you need are people you trust and love to point you in the right direction. Give it time, they'll find you." he gave me a comforting smile. "Let's see if we can get your bag, that's a good place to start."

I nodded, and we got out of the car. The studio's parking lot seemed quite deserted, but somehow that didn't clue me in to the fact that the studio was closed until I saw the big old fashion closed sign on the door.