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|| JUNG HOSEOK || -3:19 am
~
I stood up out of the hospital bed, taking the weird needle out of my vein.
I opened my room door as quietly I could, and slowly walked down the stairs, my body was hurting so much.
My hospital outfit didn't cover my whole body, it only covered my romp and a bit of my thighs, so a lot of scars were revealed and I felt naked.
I walked to an smoking area that was like a glass room with walls that were of glass, and u could look out to the garden of the hospital.
I grabbed a cigarette out of my pack and lighted it up.
I looked at the little bushes moving and tree leaves falling down.
My heart was hurting, it felt like it was being held in a hand and the hand was just slowly kneading my heart.
I took a few puffs and tears were now suddenly falling down my cheeks.
'Why am I hurting so much, it really hurts, I miss mom.. I miss dad and I miss Laura I miss those old times where we were still happy, but now dad is depressed but doesn't show it for Laura and me and I am falling deeper and deeper in a darker hole, I'm barely holding on.'
I opened the door, I wasn't allowed to go outside at night but I needed to go out.
I sat down on a bench, resting my head backwards, looking up at the stars.
There were a lot of stars, they weren't sparkling like normally.
'Why aren't u sparkling?'
My heart started to hurt more and more.
My hand reflexed and stuck the cigarette in my arm, one time, two times, three times-, then suddenly a hand grabbed mine.
Hoseok looked up, eyes glassy because of tears, so his sight was blurry.
He still knew who it was though.
Why him.
Why does he have a girlfriend.
Why is he happy with her.
I wish I was her.
I wish I was a girl,
would he accept me then?
I don't know.
Maybe its my personality.
I don't know.
My head lowered itself, until it hung down, my bangs covering my eyes and now scrunched up face, it hurt so much, the tears wouldn't stop.
No sound came out though, he couldn't know I was crying, even though he probably knows.
Namjoon sat down next to me.
"Hoseok, tell me what ur going through, please."
'I can't tell u, u don't understand.'
I looked at Namjoon.
His eyes now looked worried.
'He doesn't care dumb ass, he doesn't worry for u!'
"Its okay Namjoon, I'm okay."
LIES
I stood up and slumped back to the hospital.
I went back to crying, my hands clutched at my heart, it hurt more then ever.
Its the feeling of someone shouting that they hate u, or that ur just worthless, all the fucked up words they can think of.
But it was even worse now, way worse.
He went into his room, and laid on the bed, he didn't stop crying, sniffling and whining until he finally fell asleep.
-
Hello everybody, this book is the best with the black background while u read, just a tip. hope y'all like this book even though its deep and sad lmao
