Second Snapshot (Picture This Sequel: Niall Horan)

-Uncounted for visits and progress. [Chapter 51]

“I…It was for the best. You know I never wanted it in the first place and-“

“No, you just thought you didn’t want it because you were so wrapped up in Niall.”

I was slightly taken aback and suddenly I could hear a hint of my Mother’s voice in his tone, it was almost as if she had written the script for him and he was blatantly reciting it. But this conversation was genuine, it had to be, he wasn’t expecting me to spring this on him and in the black and white neither was I. I’d taken care to separate myself off from everyone these past few months; Niall included. It wasn’t to say that I liked it, in fact I hated it. But it felt necessary and I actually found it quite enticing to be able to put my full attention on nobody but myself. Probably because I’d starved myself of it for so long, but over the years I’ve starved myself of a lot of things. I’ve always been too busy taking care of and pleasing other people than to actually bother with the up-keeping of myself. But now I can almost feel the scales balancing out, shifting slowly into the right positions. And I like it, I really do.

“Th-That’s not true, or fair.”

My tone was possessing weakness, hesitation and uneasiness and I didn’t like it. Even if it did show what I was feeling right now it seemed feasibly fair to spare him my real demeanour right now. Since he’s spared me his for the past six months. Ever since the rocky conversation things have never really picked back up, I suppose it was just how things were though. My Mother was refusing all contact with me meaning we hadn’t spoken properly in months. I’d asked my Dad to pass messages onto her a few times but she always refused reply and to even look at me; so I’d just learnt to give up. Maybe she’ll come around when she’s ready or maybe she won’t at all. Either way, even though it’ll hurt I’ll learn to live with it and I’ve got my own life now. And it’s going to be with Niall, and if and when she finds out that it’s getting serious and it’s going to be with him and I want it to be well then she’s definitely not going to want anything to do with me. The thing is though, I’m not asking her to like him or our relationship, I just want her to respect it, but obviously that’s too hard.

“Ashley I’m not going to discuss this right now. What else has changed?”

His tone sounded so fed up, so at an end. I rolled my eyes around my apartment and then the thing of I only had under two weeks left here really sunk in. But I actually didn’t mind it; actually, I quite liked it. Maybe it was because I knew that I’d be able to start a life with Niall afterwards, or maybe it was because I never really liked living here in the first place. But either way, I was and nobody was going to stop me.

“Well, I err, I made some decisions and I went- I went to rehab.”

There was a silence and I actually looked at the screen to see if the call was still going, but it was. He just wasn’t speaking. I’d done this a lot of times, but not for this long. It had been a total of ten seconds since I dropped the bomb and I could hear it ticking, waiting to explode.

Three…

Two,

One.

“You know what?” His voice was curt and assertive and when it was like this I always got this nauseas feeling in my gut, spinning over on itself multiple times. However blunt it was you couldn’t read anything from it. It could mean anything from hurt, anger or betrayal, you just didn’t know. And that was the thing I hated the most. “I don’t think this is something we should be discussing over the phone . Are you coming back to London anytime soon?”

“Two weeks.”

I squeaked. In a way I was looking forward to seeing him, but at the same time I was nervous – as if I was meeting a murderer who wanted to blackmail me – it was a strange conception but so much had changed it was hard to not form new opinions of people; even if they didn’t deserve you too. But maybe it was just one of those things, there’s only so many things you can control in your brain and sometimes we find ourselves not liking the way we think. A crush on the cute new teacher you can’t date for the life of you, or falling for the bad boy, or maybe even a strange uttering to backstab someone who’s done nothing to you. Any situation, it’s not exactly an enjoyable feeling. But it wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t meant to.