ⁿᵒ ˡᵒⁿᵍᵉʳ

九

the pair looked around awkwardly. the tension could be easily cut with a knife. everybody in the room could tell that they knew each other, but not in the way that most people would've known each other.

gia could hear the girl behind her whispering but she shook it off. she's been shaking off a lot of things lately.

like how someone that died right in front of her is still alive.

anyways, her eyes found their way back to him. his skin was a little lighter than it was. his straight black hair turned into a soft curly light brown. his eyes never changed though. and his lips.

even those, he still wasn't the same person that she knew. he was like, completely different. it seemed as if the person he was before was wiped away. it seemed as if his soul died.

he was no longer donghyuck to the world.

he was a self-proclaimed haechan.

he was fullsun.

and gia did not like that.

☼ ☼ ☼

"look, dongh- haechan. if what we're going to be doing is just sitting around, drinking coffee, then i don't need to be here. i thought you wanted me to explain. i thought you needed to me tell you eve-" his finger landed on her lips.

"excuse me. i don't even know your name yet you're planning to tell me everything? i bet you don't even know what my dreams are about and who was in them. if one of my friends put you up to this i'll make sure to pay you double to get them back with me-"

"my name is giana. longer term of gia. and you are lee donghyuck. you and your mother were very close friends of my family and-"

"STOP." he snapped, causing the whole cafe to look at the two. his hand slammed on the table. it happened so quickly. he grabbed her wrist and dragged her outside.

"please. stop." her face contorted into confusion. all she wanted was to explain to him who he was. three days of trying to convince herself that he was just a doppelgänger, or someone that God sent to console her. it didn't work. she knew he was real. people could see him so he wasn't an angel.

it was him. it was him. he's alive. he's alive.

"i know now that these dreams were not only dreams. i know they were more then that. i know they are my old memories. i know they were our old memories. but please giana. i don't want to know now. i don't want to remember the past and have to become this person that i don't even remember being. all i know is how to be haechan. i don't know how to be donghyuck. plus this pressure. you-you give me this kind of feeling that i remember. just seeing you and you here in person, i know that my dreams did tell me something about my past, but i have no true memories of you. or of what happened between us. i don't want to disappoint you. i don't want to disappoint you because i wasn't the person you wanted me to be. or want me to be. i can't have that pressure to change, to not disappoint you. hell! i still have my doubts about them until now! i don't want to know now. i just want to breathe now."

gia's tears couldn't stop. it seemed as if she was crying more than usual these days. it was hard. seeing him alive and well. it was hard seeing him so perfectly fine, not a scratch on his face or a burn on his body. the love of your life. alive. not dead. not dying right in front of you. not buring up in flames. it was all surreal. she may have acted calm, but inside she was internally screaming. she didn't know what to do except be calm. she was angry, disappointed, confused. but she didn't know how to express any of those things. there were too many emotions to express all at once.

"you think that i don't understand? you don't think i know about that pressure? donghyuck! yes, donghyuck! i saw you! i watched you burn up in flames. i watched you die! do you have any idea what does to a person? especially if they meant the world to you? you were gone for four years! you were dead until three fucking days ago! and you still think that i don't have pressure either?! you don't even fucking remember me! you don't even recognize me! how do you think i felt? you don't even remember my name and i still remember every inch of you! your touch, your smile, your eyes, lips, nose, hair! every single fucking thing i remembered. but you didn't! you don't even know what your real name is! god you don't even know yourself!"

haechan's mouth opened slightly. he wanted to say something. he felt like saying something, but his mouth didn't want to move. she was right. he didn't have any memories of her, but she watched him 'die' and still remember every part of him like he was superglue to her brain.

he knew that his pain would never be on par with hers. so he knew that he had to make a decision now or he'll regret it forever. he knew now that he had to know. if not for him, then for this girl that loved him dearly. if not for himself, then for the little girl eagerly waiting for him in his dreams. if not for him, then for the girl that knew he was gone but still loved him to the end of time.

"giana. i-i want to k-know now. i really do."

a/n: happy new years!
i hope everybody has a
wonder 2019 because we
all know 2018 was a shit year
ily all <3 stay safe kids:)