lovelorn [h.s.]

t h i r t y t h r e e

I just laugh quietly, shaking my head down at the ground. "I don't think so."

"It's true, he is!" Zayn exclaims, giving me a small nudge. "Even tonight, when you walked over to me and grabbed my hand, his entire face fell. He looked fucking crushed, like it really hurt him."

"I don't believe that."

"You just don't want to believe it because you want to keep up this whole tough Scarlett act who doesn't care about anyone."

"No, I just don't want to believe it because I'm mad at him right now."

Zayn laughs. "Ok, fair point," he agrees. "But maybe when you're a bit less angry and sober, you'll see it more clearly."

"Maybe. But I'm stubborn, so maybe not."

Zayn smiles, and our conversation soon fizzles out after that. Comfortable silence settles over us as we continue to walk down the street, but my mind is the farthest thing away from silent. It's a complete conundrum, whirring away with thoughts, replaying everything that happened tonight, all the looks, the words, the feelings. I desperately want to push anything and everything to do with Harry out of my mind, but as usual, his face is the main thing flashing through my head.

I snap out of my thoughts when I notice Zayn slowing down his pace, glancing up to find we've finally reached my house after quite a long walk. We both turn around to face each other as we stand outside, and I give Zayn a small smile. "Thanks for walking home with me," I tell him. "And I'm sorry for dragging you away from the party so abruptly."

"Nah, that's ok," he assures me. "It was getting quite boring anyway."

"It was, wasn't it?" I say, nodding in agreement. "I didn't even know who's house it was."

"Me neither," Zayn says with a laugh. I laugh along with him and then turn around to head inside, but my movements are halted when I hear Zayn speak again. "Uh, Scarlett?"

I turn my head back around, raising an eyebrow at him curiously. "Yeah?"

He begins to lean closer to me and I immediately feel my heart quicken in my chest, but it's not for the reasons you'd think. I may be drunk and angry as hell, and still not 100% sure what's going on, but I do know that this isn't what I want.

However, my panic soon ceases when Zayn just brushes his thumb against my chin for a split second before pulling away. "Chin up, ok?" he says reassuringly. "Whatever happens, you're still Scarlett Murphy. And no one fucks with her and gets away with it."

My lips arch into a large smile and he returns it, giving me a quick wink before he turns on his heel and disappears off down the street.

I head into my house with a sigh, already pulling my shoes off as I kick the door shut behind me after walking inside. As I stumble up the stairs to my room, despite all my other current feelings, the main one I'm experiencing right now is confusion.

I'm confused, because I know that if this situation happened before, with any boy, then I would've acted completely differently to how I did tonight. Before, I would've made an even bigger scene at that party, and I would've made sure Harry saw every second of it. Before, I would've stood on that street outside with Zayn and when he started to lean in, I would've kissed him, even if that's not what he was intending. Before, I would've really spent the night with him, just out of spite.