Enigma | Edward Nygma

(24)"Tide"

I lie there staring at my bedroom ceiling as tears drip down the side of my face and splash onto my bed. They corrupt the crisp white of my pillow and leave a smudged grey stain, forcing me to remember this moment in times to come. Mascara was smeared around my eyes, hiding the coral beneath and lipstick was still residing in the cracks of my lips as I continue to sob in silence.

Its been a week since the attack. Thankfully the GCPD has recovered from it, but the people definitely haven't. You can still spot officer's shaking their feet under their desks and clenching their fists to stop an incoming wave of emotion. There's a gloomy aura following all of us and no one can escape it. Many like me are just waiting out the depression. Maybe if I cry now, then I won't want to later? Maybe the emptiness will just go away itself? Maybe I will eventually stop missing everyone we lost? Maybe...
Others are channelling their pain into work. It's so strange how the number of murderers caught has doubled but the amount of speeding tickets issued has halved.

Slowly, I wipe the tears from my cheeks and stand next to my bed. Turning to the left I notice my uniform hung on my wardrobe. It was like an eel waiting to pounce on its pray; every time I looked over, my head started to spin.The dark navy suit and hideous hat makes my stomach turn as I realise where I had to go today. Staring deep into the mirror, I analyse my own appearance. Blonde strands of hair stick to my face and acne invades my cheeks. My dark black roots contrast my white hair and emphasise how disheveled I looked.

No matter how much I wanted to think that I was crying about the acquaintances I had lost, or that I was crying about the traumatic event, deep down I knew it was a lie. Tears carried on streaming down my face as I let myself think of Ed.
He was still in hospital. He was getting out today. I wanted to see him. The image of him being shot was carved into my brain. Crashes and bangs from him falling still echoed through my ears as soon as it became quiet; the pool of blood appears the instant I close my eyes. The pain of being away from him was killing me but seeing him would be too hard... not that he wanted to see me anyway. It felt as if I was drowning in my own sorrows.
As I looked into my reflection, I could still picture the look on Ed's face when Jerome held my hand. Thinking of it made my stomach flip.

Time passed in a blur and before I knew it, I was stood next to Detective Alvarez. The sea of navy looked like it went for miles, free flowing in the wind, carrying tears and sobs into the darkness that hid beneath. Coffins drifted down the church, one after another, rippling in the tide. The whooshing and splashing of the bodies, slowly sailing towards the altar. The dead silence was interrupted by the dripping of tears onto the wooden floors. Cracks and scratches carved into the wood and at the edge of each plank, shining metal nails peaked from within and protruded from the board. Whilst entering, the nails scraped the bottoms of everyone's shoes like fingernails on a chalkboard. Picturing the noise as it crashed into my ear drums and filled them with water, helped me to forget where I actually was.

Each eulogy lasted around half an hour before the reader gave up and scurried back to their seat, clutching at their heart and scrumpling the words in their other hand. The words of loved ones all merged into one, officer into officer. Gasps of breath reverberated through the room, even reaching the rooftops and dissipating out into the sky. Silence was overflowing and yet so full of nothing. My blank stare continued to face forward and absorb all the incoming words and somehow I couldn't even figure out who they were talking about. Every time a foot tapped or a tear drizzled, I turned. Sounds even dogs couldn't hear caught my full attention as my brain circled. Balls of squiggles and scribbles of fear and love and pain invaded my brain and occupied my thoughts in a constant cycle. They kept scratching at the surface and poking at the sore spots until an actual noise could be a heard.

A clash and thud echoed through the hall as two wistfully stride in. The clatter of her shoes even stopped whoever was speaking. Hand in hand, Ed and Kristen hastily make their way to a seat. Every time he moved, I felt the wind sweep by. Strands of hair floated along with my heart down the stream of the church. Particles of my being pulled me towards him, like a magnet I wanted to stick to his side. Grinding my shoes into the hard wood floor, I stay stationary and tell myself not to cry.

Maybe it was time to let go...

Authors note
Sorry lads, I didn't mean to take an eternity to post again. I really hope this chapter is decent, comment any recommendations for... anything really 😂