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44 - Emmy

I grin. "Can I have the spatula?"

He nods and kisses my hair before heading to the kitchen.  Ollie heads to his room to fetch his bass and when Sam's given me my makeshift microphone he goes to get his guitar.

I'm excited.  This is the first time I'm going to get to jam with the band as a whole.  Now that singing together is out of the way, hearing the band play live is next on my list of things that will make this experience real.

Ollie plugs his bass into an amp that he's set up near the coffee table.  I realise Vince's drum kit is on a small platform as he wheels it closer to where Sam's setting up his guitar before sitting back down, his sticks poised ready.  Ollie pulls his bass strap over his head and I set eyes on the slick black instrument.  It's not as new looking as Sam's red guitar, but it's still nice.

"So we can't use microphones, but you're going to blast the neighbours away with the guitar?" I ask as Sam strums out the beginning notes to our song.  I get a tingle up my spine that's half to do with the music and half to do with the cheeky smile he's giving me.  I throw down the spatula I've been clutching to take hold of the microphone that Sam produces from a small box by his feet.

"We're not playing loud," Ollie assures me.  "But we need to be able to hear how everything sounds."

"Believe it or not, Ollie and I have actually been working on something too," Vince says, drumming out a rhythm that's similar to what he'd played us the other day, but now it's fleshed out and more advanced.

Ollie nods, fingering the strings on his bass.  A low, hard beat fills my ears and I look to Sam to see him smiling.

"So you guys aren't lazy anymore," he says with a laugh.

"And you're not grumpy," Vince replies, his hands still bashing the sticks to the drums in time with Ollie.

"Ready?" I ask.

Everyone stops at once and there's a sort of bated silence in the room until Sam starts playing the music we'd written the other day.  He's tweaked it slightly but it's still recognisable to me.  Ollie starts nodding his head, getting more into the music, and then he starts playing something too.  It's softer than what he'd shown us just now but it's still as punchy.   Vince follows soon after and when I feel the time is right I start to sing the lyrics I'd written on a whim to impress Sam. 

Everything fits.  The sound, the lyrics.  The smiles on our faces.  It's just like I'd hoped it would be.

We get a Chinese take-away to celebrate.  We all eat like we haven't had food all day, exhausted after rehearsing for ages, one hour turning into three.  Sam keeps catching my eye and I blush, looking to my stir-fry with a smile on my face.  After we've eaten Sam leads to me to his room.  He finally convinces me to try out his guitar, with the promise that he'll hold it along with me, and he closes his eyes as I strum out a gentle song that I'd written one day a few years ago. 

When he can't take it anymore, his fingers no longer content with just tangling in my hair as I play his guitar, he puts it to the other side of his room and pulls me to him.  Kissing him is like nothing I've ever felt before.  It's not like I'm great on experience, but thanks to Sam it's one of my new favourite things to do.  I'm a huge fan of it now, no matter how sad that sounds.  It feels so natural with Sam.  I don't feel any worries or pressure, even though this is all new to me.  He's like a best friend and a boyfriend and I really couldn't be happier that things have turned out the way they have.

I leave him to get changed into my pyjamas and after ignoring the sniggers of Ollie and Vince as I creep back to Sam's room, I crawl into his arms to go to sleep.

His fingers tangle in my hair again as I lay down next to him, my breathing steady and my smile content. He sighs and I look up to see his eyebrows knitted together, like he's deep in thought.  His fingers still stroke my hair in a rhythmic fashion but I sit up.  It pulls him out of his thoughts and he offers me a sweet smile.

"Are you okay?"

He just stares at me for a moment before he nods, pulling me back down so my head's on his chest.  "Yeah.  I'm fine."

I bite my lip.  "It's like there's something on your mind.  I can go if you like."  I move to sit back up again but Sam holds me to him. 

"No.  Stay." 

I can hear his heart thudding  against my ear and I nod.

He sighs again but it sounds different this time.  Nothing pent up being let out.  Just contentment that matches the mask on my face.

Inside my mind's whirring and even after Sam's pulse has slowed and he's asleep, his steady breaths blowing against my hair, I can't stop thinking about his reactions today.  Something is definitely up but I don't want to push things with him.  I don't want to press it and get on his nerves.  I have no idea how to be a girlfriend and I don't want to mess it up by saying the wrong thing. 

I lay still for a while, trying to simulate sleep, and soon enough it takes me for real.