Confused and Refused

Chapter Two

On one particular Friday afternoon I found myself actually enjoying a P.E lesson. 

We were doing laps around the neighboring school's tracks and believe it or not, I was actually managing to keep up with the rest of the class for the first time. 

"Oh my god! Look at the hippo run." One of the other girls snickered while nudging her friends arm as I passed them. 

I ignored the hurt that was threatening to overcome me, pushed away the hateful thoughts about myself that always popped up when people said things about me. 'They're right. I'm nothing but and ugly fat geek.' I would tell myself.

But not this time. 

Instead, I used their harsh words to surge forwards. I ran faster and faster, the rubber souls of my tattered trainers pounded off the ground until I was moving so fast (probably not all that fast - but fast for a fat girl) I almost toppled over. 

"Calm down Sarah." I muttered to myself as I slowed my pace a little. 

I always felt great after a run. Well, now anyways. And today was no exception. In fact I think a little part of me felt better than ever when I finally slowed to a stop and half collapsed in to a sitting position on the cool grass as I waited with nearly half the class for the rest to finish. 

Ok, my thighs ached and my lungs felt almost as though they were on fire - but it was the first time I hadn't came last when running among my piers. 

It was the first time my P.E teacher, Mrs Bennet had given me a reasuring smile and called out a cheerful "Well done Sarah!" as I came to the 'finish line'. 

And it was the first time my classmates had looked at me without snickering, making a hurtful comment or just pitying me. 

"You've gotten pretty fast." I heard someone say as we stepped in to the changing rooms. 

I almost did a double take when I looked over my shoulder at the girl with mouse brown and a freckled nose as I realised her words had been directed at me. 

She pushed her glasses in to place, still looking at me as she moved next to me at the bench so she could start getting changed and I realised she was waiting for me to respond. 

"Thanks." I said as I pulled the damp, off-white polo shirt over my head. I noticed her giving me quick sideways glances as we got changed in silence. 

"You look good." She said as she pulled on her navy blue jumper with the stitched school logo on the top left side before she left the room. 

I was stunned. 

Jade Green. The slightly nerdy girl who was probably one of the very few who didn't call me names or laugh at me, but also had never made an effort to talk to me. The only person who had ever told me that I 'look good'. 

I couldn't help the beaming smile as I made my way to the small courtyard where I met my only friend every lunch time. Was my new diet actually working?

Luckily for me Joey's eating habits were pretty poor so I didn't have to endure the torture of sitting in one of the lunch halls, watching everyone eat and smelling the delicious food. 

Instead she sat on the grey stone wall, nibbling on a Twix. 

Joey didn't need to watch her weight. She was stick thin and never seemed to put on any weight no matter how much she ate, but for some reason she would often go weeks where she would barely eat a thing besides her dinner at tea time. 

She smiled when she noticed me walking towards her. She held out half of her chocolate bar in offering. 

"No thanks. I'm on a diet." I shook my head and pulled myself up on to the wall beside her. 

"Like this is going to make much of a difference" She rolled her eyes but shoved the chocolatey goodness in to her mouth anyway. 

It was alright for her. I don't think she's ever needed to lose a few pounds in her entire life. Maybe she never would. 

"Ugh I need a drink. Miss Jones was bugging me the whole lesson. 'To hit the ball Joanne, you actually have to swing the raquette'. " She imitated. "Run Joanne! Run to the ball!" 

I threw my head back and laughed at the disgusted look on Joey's face. She always tried to do as limited work as possible during P.E. I reached in to my bag and pulled out a bottle of water before handing it to her. 

"No." She batted my hands away along with the bottle. "You drink it, you look like you've run a marathon." 

"Mrs B. Had us running laps." I said before shoving the bottle at her again. "You know you need to stay hydrated now you've started your meds." 

Joey groaned as she snatched the bottle from me. She hated being reminded of her illness. But in all honesty, it's probably the only reason we ended being up friends in the first place. 

Joey was bipolar. It wasn't exactly one of the severe cases but after she had one or two 'episodes' - as she called them - in school people thought she was weird. She refused to let them know the reason behind them and since then most people were scared of her. 

So in the end, I was the only person she had to talk to once people started avoiding her like she had the plague. Somehow we turned out to be like the perfect match and it wasn't long before we became best friends. 

Mum was elated when I finally went to my first sleepover.

"Ok." She said, "but only if you eat something, you're looking a bit peaky." 

"I'm not hungry." I shrugged, trying my best to keep eye contact. Joey raised her eyebrows. She wasn't buying it. "Ok! How about I get a can of juice from the vendies? They have vitamins." 

Joey let out a sigh but didn't argue. She couldn't really say much about my eating habits when she didn't eat properly herself. 

"Ok. But I'm going with you to make sure you actually get one." She said before hopping down from the wall.

As scary as Joey could be, she was a caring friend.