Confused and Refused

Chapter Eight

I ran my fingers through his hair as he pulled me closer to him. the feeling of hot sparks seemed to flow between us as he deepened the kiss. 

My heart was still pounding in my chest as he pulled away, for a moment it felt like he'd sucked all the air from my body. 

All of a sudden it was like I was noticing every tiny detail. The pained look on his face when he pulled away, quickly replaced as he searched my eyes once again - for what though, I didn't know. I noticed him swallow before taking hold of my hand. I smiled reassuringly at him, because it seemed as though that was what he needed. 

And then he was leading me out of the room and towards the stairs. 

We went through a door on the left side of the landing. It was dark but I was pretty sure we were in a bedroom. 

Lance wasted no time switching the light on, instead he closed the door so that what little light had been streaming through the doorway was now gone. 

I felt his hand on my arm just seconds later, his lips coming down on mine once again. Everything seemed to happen so fast. One minute he was kissing me and the next he was lifting my t-shirt over my head. 

his warm hands raked over my body, making me shiver. He stroked the material of my bra with one hand, the other caressing my side before he snaked his arm around my back and unhooked my bra. 

Alarm bells began to ring in my head. This was going too fast! I had never even kissed a boy before now. 

But I pushed the thought away, the alcohol was making making my head feel heavy and I just wanted to lie down. I moved away, towards the bed and Lance soon followed. 

I felt his hands fumbling with the button of my jeans and raised my hips to help him. Who cares if it's my first time? I may not get this chance again and I really like him! 

I giggled when he swore under his breath, struggling to get the button undone. I decided to help him and removed my pants while he removed his own clothes. 

I felt shy being naked in front of him, even though he couldn't really see me in the darkness. 

"You're beautiful." He whispered as he lay above me, finding my lips once again. 

Things heated up again pretty quickly, I felt all kinds of things I'd never felt before. Some good, some not quite so good. 

When it was over we were both left panting beside one another, a huge smile plastered itself to my face. But the moment was ruined when he got up, searching for his clothes in the dark before pulling them on without saying a word. 

"Lance?" I called to him. He sat down on the end of the bed and I could just about make out him leaning his head forward into his hands as he ran them through his hair. 

I crawled over to him, kissing his shoulder as I stroked his arm for comfort. 

"I really like you" I whispered. 

He sighed, turning his head to me. 

"Don't." He said, "Don't say that." 

"Why? What's wrong?" I asked, my hear was pounding in my chest but this time with panic. 

"I've been so stupid!" He all but shouted, making me flinch, "I'm sorry Sarah, I'm so sorry but..I have a girlfriend." 

I was stunned in to silence, but he never gave me the chance to respond anyway. He left. 

I sat there on the bed, thoughts running through my head, too fast for me to process any of them. Then it dawned on me what had just happened, tears pricked at my eyes. He has a girlfriend, I was nothing but a drunkern mistake. A bit of fun. 

It was my first time and I had been used. 

The tears were streaming down my face. Why? Why had I been so stupid? 

Of course he didn't actually like you! You're nothing but a stupid fat pig, you idiot! 

I let out a strangled cry at my own thoughts, everything hurt. My stomach, my chest, my head. I couldn't move, I didn't want to go downstairs and face him again. 

There was a knock on the door. 

"Everything OK in there?" I heard a muffled voice from the other side of the door. 

"Yeah, I'll be right out!" I called back before wiping my eyes and nose with the back of my hand. The universe must hate me. 

I blinked rapidly to stop more tears that were threatening to spill as I picked up my clothes and quickly put them on. I felt in desperate need for a shower but as I left the room by myself, the ache lingering in my chest I felt another need. The need to forget.