It's Not in My Programming

Three: Jealousy.

as the weeks went by, connor was managing his new body part fairly well.

and by managing, connor was ignoring it completely.

it's not that he's doing it on purpose, but he just hasn't felt the need to masturbate again. he doesn't think he could recognize a need to do it if he even tried, which feels a little worrisome. he read online that many human men need to do it often, or an uncomfortable feeling may arise. however, connor hasn't felt anything close to that description.

"hank, how often do you masturbate?"

"jesus fucking- you need to stop saying shit like that!" he yelled, nearly choking on his beer. connor's LED spun yellow for a few seconds, still waiting for an answer to his initial question. hank groaned and rubbed his face. "that's a personal question."

"i read online that by ejaculating at least twenty-one times in a month, you can significantly reduce your chance of getting cancer and you will live a generally happier life. is this correct?" connor asked, now genuinely concerned about hank's masturbation habits.

"what's this all about?" hank sighed.

"nothing important. i'm just wondering if these statistics would transfer over to androids and if i should also be masturbating so often."

hank sighed again, rubbing his face. he doesn't blame connor, he really doesn't, but this is getting out of hand.

"listen, i think you need to go have another chat with markus. you sound like you have some fucking loose hardware or something."

connor isn't sure what he means by "loose hardware," but he chooses to ignore that for now. he also makes a note to education hank on android anatomy later.

-

hi markus, are you available to hang out? i'm near jericho.

yes, i'm just in my apartment, help yourself up here.

connor locks up his bike and walks into the jericho building, walking directly past the receptionist. he takes the elevator up to the fourth floor and steps up to the door. he knows that he's programmed into the security system already, but decides to knock instead. the last thing he'd want is to invade on markus' privacy.

it doesn't take long for markus to open the door, flashing a friendly smile towards connor. he can feel his thirium pump work twice as fast.

"hello!" markus remarked and stepped aside to let connor in. "what brings you here?"

"i was just in the area." connor lies. "i decided i should come and visit, since we haven't seen each other in a while."

markus nods and walks further into the apartment, sitting on the couch and looking at a laptop surrounded by paperwork on the coffee table. connor follows him, glancing into the kitchen to see a lavish bouquet of flowers coming out of a vase in all directions. connor smiles gently and walks up to them, noticing a little note attached with beautiful cursive writing.

thank you for everything you do! love, north

connor's LED flashes red for a brief moment, spins yellow, and then shortly returns back to it's regular blue. connor spins around on his heel, choosing instead to join markus on the couch. "what's all this for?" he asks, gesturing to the papers.

markus hums, looking over at him. "we're trying to propose a bill that will give androids complete equal rights. the right to own property, to drive, to marry, things like that. it's a very long process, because we can't have any loopholes. i'm sure you understand."

connor nods, taking a look around the apartment. he pays special attention to the photos of markus with his friends and carl, his human who had passed away. connor also notes that there aren't any pictures of him around, just like in markus' office. he starts to wonder if him and markus aren't nearly as close as he originally thought.

he also notices that north is in a vast majority of these pictures, which is understandable. she's been fighting with markus since the beginning of the revolution. it would make sense for them to have such a close relationship.

his LED flashes red again, gaining attention from markus.

"are you okay?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"yes, everything is alright." connor nods, his LED promptly returning to blue. markus slowly nods his head, turning away from his work on the coffee table.

"are you sure there isn't anything you wanted to talk about?" markus asks, concerned.

"well, yes actually." connor is determined to change the subject that was never spoken about in the first place. "i'm wondering how often an android should be masturbating. i'm unable to find any online resources and i don't want to cause any damage."

"right," markus nods reluctantly. "well, there isn't really a required amount. just do it as much as you want, i guess?"

connor is not happy with this answer. he decides it would be best to take the same approach he had taken with hank.

"how often do you do it, then?"

markus' eyes widen just a fraction, not expecting a question like that. he stumbles over his words a bit, avoiding eye contact. "it doesn't matter how often i do it. like i said, androids aren't required to do it. just do whatever you're comfortable with."

connor decided to leave it at that, not wanting to pressure him. if that was the only answer he was going to get, then there's no reason to force anything else out of him.

"we should take a photograph together, for your wall." he concludes.

-

connor sits alone on the couch, dissatisfied with the way things had gone that day. no concrete answers, and no progress with markus. worst of all, he can't seem to figure out if markus and north are involved romantically or not. he sat still, his LED at a constant shade of yellow. he analyzes hours of footage from the revolution, taking note of any evidence of a romantic relationship.

he notices a short video of them taken for the news, a kiss being shared between them. most of the comments seem to be from people recognizing this as a sign of affection, which connor decides is valid. however, him and markus have also engaged in intimate contact while remaining as friends. connor decides that this could be the same thing.

eventually, though, connor realizes that it's two in the morning and hank is starting to come out of his bedroom. he stumbles into the hallway and makes his way to the bathroom, but then he takes notice in connor's yellow light illuminating the area.

"why are you still up, con?" he grumbles, scratching his belly.

"i have reasons to believe that markus is having a romantic affiliation with north."

hank raises an eyebrow, realizing that connor is probably feeling jealous for the first time. he sighed, then rubbed down his face. "let me take a piss and then we'll talk."

once hank is seated beside connor on the couch, things become uncomfortably quiet.

"so," hank starts. "why are you so worried about who markus is spending time with?"

"i'm not," connor rushes out. "i'm just curious, that's all. markus is my friend and it would be nice to know about these kinds of things."

"if markus is your friend, then why don't you just ask him if he's dating anyone?"

connor looked away, immediately disregarding that. "i don't want markus to think i'm stalking him, or invading his privacy."

"it's not stalking if you're just asking your friend a simple question," he groaned. "for now though, you should go to sleep. it's late."

"but i don't-" connor cuts himself off. "you're right, i'm getting tired. i'll see you in the morning."

hank grinned and ruffled his hair, feeling accomplished. "goodnight, kiddo."

once connor was alone, he managed to put himself into standby mode.

not before he made a note to ask markus about north, as soon as the opportunity arose.