Ode to the Affectionate Outlier

Chapter 9: Red

With five days before we returned to school, I had to make a choice.

Do I dye my hair red now?

The answer was: yes, of course.

I went to the store earlier and bought some red hair dye. My blue hair was nice and everything but even after all these years, I wanted to change it. Tyler's birthday party had given me the idea to switch it to red. Tyler, for some reason, reminded me of the color red now. Every time I would see the color anywhere in public, Tyler came to mind. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing but it made me happy.

It was time to say goodbye to the blue hair. Hello red hair.

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I took a deep breath. I raise my head up slowly and face the mirror. I take the towel out of my face and stare at my red hair. I looked like a demon. But like, a hot demon with red hair. I guess Satan.

I actually liked my red hair. I smiled. Tyler was right, I did look nice. It fit me better than the blue hair. I walked out of the bathroom and up to my mom. She got startled for a second since she just saw me with a new look. "Aw, my little Joshua, you look so nice with your new hair color." "Mom...I'm not little anymore..." "But you'll always be my little Joshua." "I guess but thanks for the compliment about my hair."

I was ready to go back to school and show Tyler my new appearance. I hoped the other kids at school liked my hair too.

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It was January 08th and it was time to go back to school. I was excited to finally show Tyler my new hair. I told him about it and he was very excited. I walked into school and I wouldn't see Tyler until around lunchtime when we sat together. We still didn't really have a lot of friends at this point in our lives but we had each other so I guess that was alright.

I enter class where there's other kids already sitting down, waiting for class to officially begin. I will admit I was nervous on what the other kids would say about my hair. I sit down at my desk awkwardly and look down. Oh god, I felt so self-conscious about myself.

It was silent. I felt heat going to my face, like the bad type. No one was talking to me but I could sense eyes peering at me from all across the room. I look up and sure enough, people were looking at me. They didn't look impressed.

"Hey look at Josh! What a tomato head!" I heard a kid in the front of the class yell out. The class started bursting in laughter. "Yeah he looks like a bottle of ketchup that's been spilled on the floor!"

Um yeah, I was very embarrassed. Clearly they didn't like my hair. I tried to ignore it but the voices,laughter and taunting were getting the best of me. I started tearing up. I knew this was a bad decision. If they were laughing, then that means Tyler would laugh to. I had the urge to do something but I couldn't with all these negative thoughts and people taunting.

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"Hey Josh, your hair looks absolutely amazing! I love the color and everything!" Tyler said as I sat down at our lunch table.

I stayed quiet. I wasn't going to tell him about what happened earlier.

He looked concerned at me. "Hey is something wrong?" I stayed in silence. "Did someone make fun of you?" I continued to stay silent. I felt like crying again but I couldn't in front of Tyler. If he saw me cry, he'd knew I wasn't being brave or strong. I would be breaking our new year's promise.

"Thanks Ty." I ended up telling him anyway.

He still looked at me a bit concerned. "Anytime Josh."

The rest of the time we just sat and ate our lunch but I could feel eyes around the lunchroom look at me and think of me as a "weirdo", "loser", "freak" and "stupid". It sucked. Things would get better once I got home and I was alone where I didn't have to hear any of these mean people.

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I unlocked the front door and entered my house after I left Tyler at his place. My mom came up and hugged me. "Hey sweetie, how was school? Did the kids like your new hair?" she asked me.

"Yeah, they really liked it." I lied to her.

"Aw good! I told you the kids would love your hair." she told me and smiled. "Are you hungry? I made pasta, the way you like it!" "No thanks mom, I mean, maybe a little later. I got homework to do first." "Ah okay, just tell me when you're ready to eat."

I went up to my room and just lay in my bed. Today absolutely sucked. Those voices of the kids from school made me want to cry. I could now, I was at home, it would be easy to cry and not have anyone know. But I think I would wait to try until nighttime when everyone was fast asleep.

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It was 10:31 p.m. Everyone was fast asleep. I slowly got up from my bed and quietly went to the bathroom.

I entered and shut the door behind me gently, careful not to wake anyone up from their slumber.

I looked in the mirror and looked at my red hair. I sighed. I then looked around the bathroom and saw some red makeup pallet nearby. I was feeling creative and grabbed it. I put some on my fingers and smudged it around both my eyes. I looked kind of weird but a good kind of weird. I imagined myself like this playing my drums and Tyler with his ukulele, singing to a crowd. It made me feel better and happy after a very tough day.

Sadly, that happiness left me after I was reminded of the events of today. I started to cry. Red streams of tears fell down my cheeks. The makeup was starting to smear and get messy. If people saw me like this, they'd absolutely think I was a freak. I couldn't take it anymore. So I decided to wash off the red make up since I looked stupid.

The feeling of it was wonderful. I knew by doing this that I'd still be a freak with my red hair but at least I didn't look like an ugly demon. After I had enough, I turned off the sink. I washed the sink too and saw all the red coloring go down the drain. I got a towel nearby and dried myself. I felt a little relieved. I didn't want to tell Tyler about this silly moment I had.

I looked back at the mirror and looked at my red hair. I sighed. I was a tomato. Spilled ketchup. Dumb and a loser. Whatever. I had to be strong anyway, had to try at least.

I took one last look at my red hair and one last look to the red makeup that still surrounded my eyes.