Vae Victis: woe to the vanquished.
Will you be defeated?
Enter my arena, where you'll find brutal honesty, blunt critiques and epidermic reaction to what you call writing.
I like this title. The "end of mankind" part is very effective and promises a lot. As for "catharsis", some readers may need to look up what it means, but it's promising too.
A lot of promises for just a few words. I hope you'll keep them.
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Cover
I must say I don't like the cover. It's not relevant with the title (at this point, catharsis is not a character's name, just a notion), probably showing the main character (and I often repeated my feeling about that. Let's summarize my opinion with: don't), I don't get what's in the background, the title and author's name are hard to read despite an interesting font...
I'm just not drawn to it.
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Blurb
This blurb is like so many other blurbs on Wattpad... and it's not a compliment. True, it exposes the background in a few line but fail to hint anything else. Let me elaborate.
First, it's grammatically very clunky, with tense issue, repetitions and heavy sentences.
The ideas are too vague to be gripping. And they lead to so many questions: What's the uprising? How many years ago? What abilities? How can someone be born half undead? (Now I expect necrophilia, but please don't write about necrophilia...) Who are Captain Bramble and Dr Ru? Why is the world more dangerous than anticipated? Why "anticipated"?...
After all that, I have no real idea what I'm about to read. I know it will be about zombies and semi-zombies and a character named Catharsis, but what will he face and why is still a mystery. A mystery too big for me to care or want to know more.
Finally, the first paragraph has no connection with the second. There is no transition making me understand that both are about the same story.
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Not first chapters
Three parts... I had to go through three parts of useless rambling before finding the actual story. This is at least three times too much and three times more annoying than just a foreword chapter.
It's nice of you to thank your friends and family and supports, etc... But as a reader I don't really care and want to start reading as soon as possible. Most of the info in these three parts can be cut out... No, SHOULD be cut out: repetition of the blurb, copyright, cover artist and awards.
The only thing that matters in these non chapters is the definition of catharsis.
Your story hasn't begun and I'm already in a terrible mood.
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Intro or prologue or something
I have a lot to say about this part. I hope it will be coherent.
- Chapter title: Why is it a date? I believe it should be the act's name and the date could be moved near the signature part at the end. The other problem with the precise date is: does it serve a real purpose? Will I need to know the story is set in 1989?
- Act I: where are the other acts? If there is only one act, why bother give it a number?
- Act title: is vague, redundant, and not making much sense. Vague because Population control could mean a lot of things (from child policy, to ghettos or police work). Redundant because population control and control of unnecessary births could be synonyms. Not making sense because "Population control of unnecessary births" doesn't mean anything (get rid of population and it would work). For example, you could name your act on the China's law model: "Tuscar's policy on birth reduction". It would be clearer and would anchor your text in the real world (all great sci-fi novels are based on reality)
- Paragraph one: is one single never ending sentence. Cut it in two or three to make it clearer. "Illegalize" is a real word but it's not often used and sounds odd. Maybe use "declare illegal" or "criminalize". The use of "act" in "acts of sexual intercourse" is a confusing echo to "Act" ("criminalize sexual intercourse" is concise and clear enough). "avoidable" is really vague, what do you mean by that. Unnecessary "to" between "births" and "which". What is a "tube-trying"?
- Whereas is not followed by a comma and as it's used as a synonym of "because" in legal document, it should be followed by a consequence. ("Whereas the court typed a lot already and didn't read any story bit, the court will rule in favor of many strikes."). I understand that the consequence is the first paragraph, but you seem to make a confusion between a text of law (short and to the point), a court decision (justified in details but without example) and a newspaper article (with dates and quotes).
- The second paragraph is a mess. A text of law can't be used for long exposition. I'm both bored and confused already.
- You never explain why some birth are necessary and some are not. Necessary for what? Population renewal?
- Why mention the Zika virus at all? Why is this relevant here?
- The third paragraph is talking about rabies. I thought is was about Zika... And the paragraph is also redundant as you repeat the idea that population of neighbor countries are afraid of diseases.
- If Tuscar is an independant country, other countries can't interfere with their laws. That's a hell of inconsistency, here.
- The section part is looking more like a law and is the most interesting part of this chapter.
I really think that such an info drop/expository part should be tightened up or rearranged. I wrote too much already and point out too many mistake. You should be out already. But I really want to see your actual story, so I'll give you, magnanimously, a last chance.
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Part I (finally)
And it starts with a disclaimer (a redundant one for that matter). You're really pushing your luck now...
Ok, I need to give up now. What I'm reading doesn't make any sense. I feel the darkness you want to express but it's a grammatical mess going in every direction.
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Conclusion
Where is the story?
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