3 - Finding Linda

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Author:RonASewell

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Author:
RonASewell

Genre:
Action

Date of review:
September 10th, 2017
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Title

At first, I had nothing against your title. But then, Finding Nemo hit me. Since then, I can't think about anything else. Basically, your title is ruined. Blame Pixar!

Furthermore, reading your blurb, it seems that Linda is the main character of your story, so the title doesn't make much sense so far.

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Cover

I'm no expert (in anything, really), so I can't tell why a cover is good or bad specifically, unless it's obviously bad. Yours is not obviously bad, but it just doesn't work. What I mean is that if I would have stumbled on your cover on Wattpad, I wouldn't have tried your story. I know one should not judge a story by its cover and I'm not, but I think it could be more catchy. I like the sea picture but it's not enough to get me to pick your book. The woman's eyes could be a problem in themselves as they seem to be Linda's and it will spoil my mental image of her while reading (something I don't like in any book). Finally, the font used for the title is both too big and too common somehow.

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Blurb

Your blurb is very short. Yet, it's quite boring and too revealing. It feels like the beginning of a school summary. It doesn't makes me want to read further. There is no emotion, no suspense, no ominous threat, just cold facts. A blurb should pick the interest of anyone reading it, it must be a sales pitch, something to convince people they need to read further. A blurb is something difficult to do correctly, but on Wattpad it's one of the important thing to get readers. The fact that you tell me that she survives, that you don't tell me much about the terrorists (the catch is that you need to say more without revealing too much) are answers to questions I didn't even ask. The only interesting parts are that Linda is a pirate and that she failed her attack on the Tanker. Elaborate on that even if it's just the very beginning of your story.

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Before the first sentence

You start your chapter one with what seems to be a subdivision. "part one" is inducing that your first chapter had been cut in several pieces. But I checked and you're just using "part" instead of "chapter". You wont get any strike despite the confusion it creates, but you should replace your "chapter 1" with "part one" like you do afterward. Furthermore, clean your chapter of any useless repetition of the chapter number (chapter 2 and 4 for example).

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