Vae Victis: woe to the vanquished.
Will you be defeated?
Enter my arena, where you'll find brutal honesty, blunt critiques and epidermic reaction to what you call writing.
I must admit that your title bugs me. It's both too long and too cryptic.
The "brilliant" part doesn't add anything except interrogations. What is it? Why the quotation marks? The problem is that interrogation is not curiosity and this part doesn't makes me want to find out.
It also feels like you couldn't chose between "Blood Swamp" and "The City Brilliant" or if your book was regrouping two different stories.
"Blood Swamp" would have been great in itself. It's short, ominous and gets my imagination started.
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Cover
I love the general aspect, the composition of your cover. The fact that you have a whole series of books with the same construction, he same header and the same way to show your name gives a strong feeling of coherence, of collection. Very effective on me. The fonts and colors chosen give an old-school feeling that I like as well.
On the down side, I think the picture you chose could be way better. There is a swamp alright, but the mood of it is not matching your title. Nothing ominous there, not even an alligator lurking around. Pity. Furthermore, looking closely at the people on the boat (I don't recall the correct name of it), they are definitely not from the early 20th century.
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Blurb
Very short but quite effective. I have some doubts about the second sentence, though. the term "elsewhere" may be the cause. It may be not strong or promising enough. I came to think, the blurb would be better without the second sentence. As it's a short story, a single intriguing sentence could be enough.
Additional note after reading the story: I now understand the elsewhere, but still think it should go from your blurb.
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Review
Great first paragraph! Too bad it's directly followed by one that is pure exposition. I know it's a short story and you don't have the luxury of several chapters to set the story in motion, but the second sentence of it is too long, with too many information. The PoV is someone's who is literally stating that she knows the stakes. So, I think some information could be cut out and moved later on. For example, "on the equinox" (even if it seems to be the theme of the contest) is just weighing the sentence down. Differently, "in favor of the Helios Society" is too cryptic. I think that the simple fact that a rite could unbalanced day and night is strong enough. Introducing the bad guys without any explanation about their motive is too much (I guess by the name that they want more day than night, but it's only guess). Note that it's too much HERE. Moving the same info a bit later would do.
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Something is off in your third paragraph. I think, it's that the last sentence is not connected to the first two. It's a different idea that shouldn't be in the same paragraph. The feeling lingers in the following paragraph about the City Brilliant. It's less obvious there, but it feels like you had a lot of ideas at the same time and didn't know how to organize them: the heat, the map and the Professor, The City, the way it was built, the way Marjory was involved and lastly why she join the mission. I don't think it needs too much correction to work, but here are some ideas: elaborate on the heat (maybe introducing some member of the team suffering from it instead of all of them afterward) or cut it out, elaborate on their journey in a separated paragraph (using the map here, adding one thing or two about the surroundings, and concluding on the "City Briliant", start the next paragraph with "Countless" and another one with "Indeed".
For all these small things combined, I have to serve you with your first STRIKE!
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At first, the use of "the colored soldier" felt awkward placed as it is, used not as subject but as qualifying, making it subjective, and the prime way to describe him, almost like a nickname. But considering the time of the story, you may want to even increase the casual racism of this phrasing by adding another comment in the paragraph.
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I would reorganize the paragraph about Preston. I would merge it with the one beginning with "He was still recovering" to cut it just before "In our travel" as this is introducing a new idea.
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I have a problem with the sentence "Now, this kind of thing just didn't faze me anymore". I think the "now" and "anymore" are not doing well together. As all the great paragraph coming after is the reason he wasn't afraid of the beast, "now" sounds off, like Sgt Hutton is about to talk about present time (when writing his memoirs) instead of back then. A simple "but" would make the flow smoother.
That said, the whole Sgt Hutton part is really good, better written than the journalist's notes.
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How can a fouetté bas (basically a low kick) could reach the solar plexus???
Inconsistency and French abuse. STRIKE!
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I fail to see the connection between the cult plot (and cult location) and the Herr Riesenblut one. Without more explanation about them being part of the same plot (like how is Sturgeon connected with all of this, for example), it's like two different stories (which is going the way of my comment on the title). Furthermore, without the intervention of the feds (and the brutal change of scenery) you had no reason for your team to find the rite's location in time.
Deus ex machina STRIKE!
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About Meritt, you should state that he is the Lumina Maximo before you evoke the convicts, it would make it clearer and strengthen the reveal he is the bad guy. You should also limit all the intriguing names, like "Codex obscura" or "Lex Impius". You introduce ideas that could be confusing ("wait, what is this Lex thing? Who are the good guys again? ") or that needs explanation to tame my curiosity ("what the hell is a Lex Impius? Is it painful? Is it something naughty? Can I store it in the fridge?)
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Conclusion
Your first part from the journalist is your weakest. I know you need this exposition to describe your team and the surroundings, but it's choppy. It's not unreadable, far from it, but it doesn't serve what comes next like it should.
The rest of the story has a really enjoyable pulp fiction or 50's horror/Sci-Fi movie feeling and I had fun reading it. But I must admit I'm frustrated and not really satisfied. The Helios Company and Merritt's big scheme is never clearly explained, and it lessens the smart play on the cosmic balance between day and night, the equinox and the two cults fighting. By the way, I like that the good guys are defending the night, it's a refreshing change.
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